


Sincerely, E - The College Years

by hopefulminty



Series: Sincerely, E [3]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anxiety, College, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-15 09:31:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13610499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopefulminty/pseuds/hopefulminty
Summary: A collection of short stories/scenes that take place afterSincerely, EandSincerely, E - Stories.





	1. Freshman Year

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, here we go one more time... I'm still having fun writing these stories, so I'm doing one more set that takes place during the college years. This really will be it though because I don't know what I'd do next. _Sincerely, E - The Midlife Crises_? _Sincerely, E - The Golden Years_? I doubt anyone wants to read about these characters when they're living in a retirement home. I don't think I even want to think about writing that collection...

**I**

The thing of it was that Evan didn’t really consider what going to college with Connor meant until it was time to fill out the housing application.

Or, to be more exact, he didn’t think about it until he got to the part where he saw he had the option of requesting a specific roommate.

That question made him close his laptop so quickly that he was surprised it didn’t break.

It didn’t take him long to figure out that everyone seemed to think it was just a given that he would room with Connor.

Connor’s family definitely thought that. It was clear that Connor’s mom liked the idea of them sharing. Evan’s mother told him that when they were having breakfast one day. She shook her head as she related the fact that Cynthia Murphy was completely on board with the idea of her eighteen-year-old son sharing a dorm with his boyfriend.

“This is a big deal, Evan,” Heidi said. “Don’t take it lightly and agree to something you’re not ready for.”

Evan knew where Connor’s mother was coming from though. He suspected they all did. She couldn’t help worrying about Connor. She couldn’t stop thinking about what kinds of struggles he’d be facing on his own. The idea that Evan would be nearby, that they’d be going through it together, that Connor wouldn’t end up with a nightmare roommate, was very appealing to her.

Jared claimed he spoke for everyone when he said it would be cruel to force other people to room with them. Zoe said she agreed with Jared, to some extent. “I mean, you’re going to be in each other’s rooms all the time anyway, aren’t you?”

“Exactly,” Jared nodded. “Don’t inflict this on anyone else. People are going to be stressed out enough as it is without having to deal with you two and your… you know.”

Evan did know. He understood what Jared meant. They hadn’t even been together for two months and they were already so…

It was complicated. He knew Connor had already put his name down. Part of him thought it was a good idea, the other part thought it was the worst idea in the history of mankind.

What if they broke up? What if they got on each other’s nerves? There’d be nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. What if it was too much of a good thing?

The alternative was equally terrifying. The thought of sharing a room with a total stranger made Evan feel sick. The idea of sleeping in Connor’s room while someone else was in there made him feel uneasy. The fact that sharing with a stranger meant that some random guy would have to get used to his quirks and habits and ways made him freeze with fear.

So, in the end, he put down Connor’s name because it felt like the safest option. Because it made sense. Because it was kind of comforting in a way.

 

****

**II**

The weird thing was that he actually forgot about the housing situation. He got so wrapped up in everything he had to do at the end of the school year that he didn’t think about it again until he went to an orientation workshop in July and received his room assignment.

It was a pleasant surprise. More or less. 

Connor seemed happy about it. Mrs. Murphy was ecstatic. She cornered him every time he came over and asked how he wanted to decorate their room.

He kept telling her he didn’t have any opinions about color schemes and throw pillows, but she was determined to include him in the process.

Connor told him it was because he was being nice about it. Connor had made it blatantly clear that he wanted nothing to do with his mother’s plans. He said he just needed a bed, a desk, and a mini-fridge and he was good.

“That’s it?” Cynthia sighed. “You really don’t want anything else?”

“And Evan,” Connor smirked. “But, I already have him.”

 

****

**III**

They formed a caravan to drive up to the school. Mr. and Mrs. Murphy were in the first car, Connor and Zoe in the second, and Evan and his mother in the third.

It was a strange trip. It felt impossibly long and scarily short at the same time. Evan was too nervous to drive, even though they were taking his car.

His car. It still felt weird that he had a car now.

His father had gotten it for him as a graduation present. He’d actually flown in for a weekend that summer and taken Evan car shopping.

It wasn’t a fancy car. It wasn’t flashy or high-tech or anywhere near as nice as the one Connor’s parents had given him. It ran though. It ran and it was easy to drive, which was good because Evan definitely was not an experienced driver.

 

They arrived at the school in just over an hour. Evan’s heart began to pound as he watched his mother park the car. 

“You okay, sweetie?”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded swiftly.

“That wasn’t a bad drive. Do you want me to write down the roads we took? I think you’ll have better luck taking them than the highway.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

“You can home any time.”

“Mom-”

“I’m just saying, your room is still your room. I’m not going to turn it into a study or a gym or anything like that.”

“Okay, thanks. Good to know.”

“And, just so you know, I looked it up and they do let you switch roommates.”

“Mom-”

“I just thought you should know it’s an option. You know, in case things don’t… It sounds like it’s a bit of a process. Lots of paperwork. It is possible though.”

“Okay… I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I hope you don’t have to. I like Connor. I-I like the two of you together. I hope it… I hope it works out.”

Evan looked at her skeptically. He knew his mother had been trying to hold her tongue all summer, but she hadn’t been entirely successful. It wasn’t hard to see that she was leery about this arrangement. 

“It’s just…” Heidi sighed. “You’re so young and this is your first relationship and the two of you… You’ve been through so much and-”

“Mom,” Evan cut in quickly. “They’re waiting for us.”

Heidi shut her eyes and nodded. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

 

It didn’t take long for them to unload the cars.

Or maybe it did, but it didn’t feel that way to Evan. It felt like they got the room set up in no time at all. It felt like it took them a matter of minutes to hang the posters and roll out the rugs and make up the bed (technically beds, but Connor’s parents had pushed them together before Evan had even reached the room… he was fairly certain he should be horrified by that fact).

They went to lunch when they were done. The food in the dining hall was surprisingly good. Mr. Murphy said he bet it was extra good that day to impress the parents. He told the boys not to get used to it.

After lunch, they had a packed schedule of events. Connor and Evan found their orientation groups while their parents went to a lecture of some kind. Zoe slipped away to visit Jared, who had already started school the week before.

Evan tried to stay calm when he realized he wasn’t in the same group as Connor. He followed the guide as she led them around the campus and attempted to remember everything she said. 

He panicked when they finally sat down to introduce themselves to each other. His heart was beating so wildly that he couldn’t focus on anything anyone was saying. He didn’t know how this was supposed to help. How on earth was he going to remember any of their names or stories? 

Because it was that kind of ice breaker. The kind where he was supposed to stand up and say his name and tell them one interesting fact about himself.

His mind went blank when it was his turn. He stood up and stammered his name and paused for what felt like an eternity. He finally blurted out the fact that he’d broken his arm the year before when he fell out of a tree.

He was just thankful there weren’t any follow-up questions.

 

From there, they were sent to the auditorium for a lecture on adjusting to college life. He was so relieved to see Connor again that he hugged him like they hadn’t seen each other in weeks.

“Hey,” Connor said softly. “How was it?” 

“Fine,” Evan murmured. “It was-”

Evan stopped speaking when he noticed Connor was not alone. There were two guys and a girl hovering behind him. 

“Evan, this is Asia,” Connor said, pointing to the girl. “We were in the same group. Turns out she’s a fan of The Smiths too.”

Asia smiled and waved. “So, you’re the boyfriend?”

“He’s the boyfriend,” Connor confirmed. “And they are… I suck at names.”

“Shawn and Cody,” Asia filled in. “We all went to high school together.”

“Hey, we better head in,” Shawn-or-Cody said.

They all nodded in agreement and filed into the auditorium.

Asia quickly found them a group of seats. Evan felt dizzy when he counted how many. Four. Only four. No room for him.

“Where are you going?” Connor grabbed his arm as he turned to go.

“There isn’t room,” Evan said quietly. “I’ll just sit over there.”

Connor looked at him oddly and shook his head. “We’ll be down there,” he told Asia, pointing at a pair of seats a couple rows ahead.

Asia nodded vaguely before turning back to her friends.

“You trying to ditch me already?” 

“What?”

“Nothing,” Connor sighed.

 

****

**IV**

Classes started and Evan felt like this was it. This was the reason he was in college. Nothing else mattered. Not really, anyway.

He was only taking one class with Connor. They’d managed to sign up for the same English class. In addition to that, he was taking Introduction to Environmental Sciences (which he kind of loved), Differential Calculus (which was also pretty great), and French 101 (because he wanted to get the foreign language requirement over with and there was no way he was taking Spanish again).

Connor was taking Statistics, Introduction to Philosophy, and Introduction to Communication and Mass Media. The latter two had been chosen at random. He’d gone with Philosophy because the Psychology class he was interested in filled up before he had a chance to register. He ended up picking Communication by scrolling through the course catalogue and deciding to go with whatever introductory course he landed on.

It didn’t take Connor long to become slightly obsessed with his Philosophy class. He quickly developed a habit of quoting famous philosophers and attempting to start debates with his friends. It drove Jared crazy whenever they visited him, but Evan thought it was kind of adorable.

 

****

**V**

It was a good thing Evan liked his classes because he felt like he was failing at everything else.

He knew it was ridiculous, but there were times where he felt like he was completely alone. Those moments terrified him. They made him feel like he was in the tree again.

It wasn’t hard for him to pull himself out of his funk when that happened though. He reminded himself that he wasn’t alone. He had Connor, a boyfriend who loved him. He had Jared, a best friend who no longer denied that they were friends. He had his mother and Zoe and the Murphys.

He knew it would crush Connor to hear that he was having those thoughts, so he kept them to himself. He pretended it didn’t bother him when Connor went out with his friends.

And it didn’t bother him. Not really, anyway. They’d talked about it before school started. They’d talked about the fact that they both should make an effort and try to meet people.

He just hadn’t expected Connor to find a friend group that quickly.

If he was being honest with himself, he hadn’t really expected Connor to make friends at all.

It wasn’t like Connor had abandoned him though. Quite the opposite, really. He constantly tried to include Evan in their plans. When they went out, he texted Evan throughout the night. He told him where they were, he gave directions to their location, he begged Evan to show up.

Evan never did though. He ate dinner with them once in a while and even that was too much for him. The group had grown to include over a dozen freshmen. They were loud and chatty in a way that made Evan uncomfortable. He didn’t know what to say or when to say it. He didn’t know how to fit into their conversations. 

He didn’t understand how Connor was comfortable with them, but he couldn’t fault him for being happy.

He knew he should try to find friends of his own. For the first time in his life, he felt like his mother’s pep talk about how the other kids wanted to be his friends was actually true. 

Everyone on his floor, in his classes, in the dining hall… Everyone he saw, really, seemed like they were looking for new friends. 

Evan just didn’t know what to do with that information.

He tried to remember everything his mother and Dr. Sherman had suggested. He tried to make himself look approachable. He tried to think of things to say when he was presented with an opportunity to talk to someone.

His mother had given him tons of ideas for things he could say when he saw people in the bathroom. He didn’t think they would actually work for him though. He supposed girls had it easier. They could get away with telling each other that their shampoos smelled amazing and asking where they got their mascara.

What was he supposed to do? Tell the guy at the sink next to him that his toothpaste was really green?

It didn’t work that way. He knew it didn’t.

 

****

**VI**

College wasn’t that bad though, really. Evan kept telling himself that.

His classes were fine. The food was fine. He didn’t miss his mother as much as he’d thought he would. He supposed it helped that she texted him a lot. A lot, a lot. Sometimes twenty times a day.

He saw Jared several times a week. They met for dinner or coffee/tea or just to hang out and study. He liked Jared’s roommate, Miles. He liked the friends Jared had made. He felt more at ease with them than he did with anyone he’d met at his school.

Things with Connor were good. Really good. He wasn’t worried about that at all. He knew they were together. Firmly together. Strongly together. Together in every sense of the word.

(That was a relatively new development. They’d only recently finished adding to the list of things they did that they could only do when they were home alone.)

He wasn’t worried about Connor cheating or breaking up with him or anything like that.

The fact that he wasn’t worried sometimes worried him though. There was a small part of him that wondered if he was going to be completely blindsided one day.

 

****

**VII**

In retrospect, he should have known that things were always going to come to a head.

Hiding something from Connor, especially something as big and important as his feelings, was not a good idea.

 

He’d just started to drift off when Connor came home. It was Saturday night. They’d been at school for three weeks.

It hadn’t been a bad night. Evan had eaten with Jared and Miles before going to a poetry reading Miles’s cousin was participating in.

He’d facetimed with Zoe when he got back to his dorm. She was at her friend Jenny’s house and they were starting to look at their college applications. Zoe had called him because Jenny had a lot of questions about scholarships and financial aid and how it all worked.

It made Evan feel better to talk to Zoe, to feel like he was helping someone. 

He actually heard from Zoe fairly regularly. That had been a surprise. At first, he thought she only called and texted him to check up on Connor, but he was starting to think that wasn’t the only reason.

She wasn’t just his boyfriend’s sister or his best friend’s girlfriend. She was his friend. And that was kind of awesome.

 

He wasn’t thinking about Zoe when Connor came home. He wasn’t thinking about Zoe or Jared or Miles’s cousin’s weird poems. 

He was thinking about the fact that it was two o’clock in the morning and he hadn’t heard from Connor in over an hour.

He sat up when he heard the door open. He flicked the light on and held his breath when the smell hit him.

He met Connor’s stare and studied his expression. He waited to see guilt. To see anger. To see something… anything.

“What’s wrong?” Connor sighed.

“You…” Evan couldn’t even get the words out. He blinked and leaned against the wall. 

“What?” Connor snapped. “It’s late. Can we talk about this… Whatever this is… Can we talk about it in the morning?”

“You’ve been using again.”

The thought filled him with terror. It had been bouncing around his brain for weeks, always sticking to the periphery.

“What?”

“You… I can smell it. You’ve-”

“You make it sound like I’m on something major. It was just a little weed.”

“So, you-”

“Didn’t smoke it. Cody did. I was just in the room when he lit up.”

“Is that why you…”

“Why I what?”

“Why you… why you…”

“Why I hang out with them? Oh my God. Is that what you’re asking?”

“No… I…”

“I’m fucking exhausted. Can we finish this tomorrow?”

Evan took a breath and nodded slowly. His eyes widened when he saw that Connor was heading for their bed. “Wait.”

“What?”

“You really stink. I won’t be able to, uh, to sleep if you…”

“Fine. I’ll go shower first. Happy?”

“Deliriously.”

 

Connor was watching him when he woke up. That wasn’t unusual. Sometimes he thought it should be, but it really wasn’t.

The fact that Connor was awake before eight o’clock was odd though.

“You’re up early,” Evan yawned. He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to push their argument out of his head.

“I’m not using.”

“Okay,” Evan nodded.

“You don’t believe me?”

Evan opened his eyes and blinked at the ceiling. “I want to.”

“Even when I was, I never… It was never anything hard. It was weed and booze. Nothing serious.”

“It messed with you though. That made it serious.”

“I’m not touching that crap again. Trust me… I don’t want to go down that road again.”

“Then, why do you…”

“It was a party,” Connor huffed. “They’re not like that all the time. You would know that if you showed up once in a while.”

“You know I don’t like parties.”

“It hasn’t just been parties though. You haven’t gone to the movies or to game night or any of it. You stay in and… Do what? Study?”

“I went to a poetry reading with Jared and Miles last night.”

“Jared went to a poetry reading?”

“Yeah.”

Connor laughed and shook his head. “Jared went to a poetry reading and you didn’t invite me? That sounds so much better than the party.”

“I didn’t think you’d want to go,” Evan shrugged.

“The party was lame. I wanted to leave as soon as I got there, but Asia drove.”

Connor tilted his head as he examined Evan’s expression. “What? You don’t like Asia?”

“I don’t know her. I don’t know any of them, really.”

“But, you don’t like what you’ve seen so far?”

“She flirts with you,” Evan blurted out.

“She flirts with everyone,” Connor smirked. “Including you.”

“No, she doesn’t!”

“She does so. Are you really that oblivious to these things?” Connor took a breath and put his head on Evan’s shoulder. “Besides, even if she was serious, it wouldn’t matter.”

“I know,” Evan said shakily. “It’s not that I think you… It just makes me uncomfortable.”

“I’ll tell her to stop then.”

“No, don’t!” Evan hissed. “Then, she’ll think I’m weird. Weirder. She already thinks I’m weird, doesn’t she?”

“She doesn’t know you well enough to think you’re weird.”

“Gee, thanks,” Evan rolled his eyes.

Connor tapped his chin thoughtfully. “I’ll stop hanging out with them if you want.”

“What?”

“If it’s a choice between you and them, you win. Hands down. No questions asked.”

“I’m not asking you to choose.”

“No, but… If you don’t like them, then that’s fine. It’s not like I’m super-attached to them. It’s just been easy. They’re an easy group to be around.”

“They’re loud.”

“You get used to it.”

“I don’t think I could ever get used to it.”

“Yeah, probably not,” Connor admitted. He looked at Evan out of the corner of his eye. “I know I’ve been out a lot lately.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s obviously not.”

“Okay, maybe not completely fine.”

“It’s just… I never thought I’d fit in with a group. I never thought people would actually want me around like this.”

Evan’s hands twitched against his sides as he stared blankly at the closet door. He didn’t know what to say to that. He knew what he wanted to say, but he didn’t think he should say it out loud.

“It’s superficial though,” Connor continued. “It’s fun sometimes, but… I don’t know. I think I’m already getting tired of them, to be honest.”

“Don’t do that.”

“What?”

“Don’t… I already said-”

“It’s really made me appreciate you. I mean, I already did, but…” Connor smiled as he pressed his forehead against Evan’s neck. “Last night, I was watching everyone because it was the only thing I could do. I stood back and watched as they got wasted and did stupid things. I watched as they hooked up with people they barely know and… Asia, she started making out with this Hawaiian guy with an afro. It made me think that if that’s what people do here, if that’s what passes for normal, then screw normalcy.”

“Watching Asia make out with a Hawaiian guy with an afro made you have that revelation?”

“Among other things,” Connor nodded. “It made me realize that what I have is so much better than what they’re doing. I have someone who knows me and gets me and loves me and-”

Evan laughed as Connor punctuated each word with a kiss to his neck. “Okay… I get it. We had the right idea in the beginning though. We should have friends. It’s not healthy for us to become one of those weird agoraphobic couples who-”

“I could go for being an agoraphobic couple today.”

“What?”

“Okay,” Connor rolled his eyes. “We really need to work on your obliviousness.”

 

****

**VIII**

Jared tapped the steering wheel after he put the car in park. Evan could feel him watching him. He couldn’t bring himself to tear his eyes away from the house though.

Because he was home. He was home for the weekend.

He never thought he’d be this happy to see his house.

“So,” Jared said slowly. “You want to talk about it?”

“What?”

“You and Connor. Trouble in paradise?”

Evan pried his eyes away from the house to meet Jared’s stare. “What are you talking about?”

“He looked pretty crushed when you asked me to drop you off here instead of at his house.”

“We talked about it before you picked us up. I told him I was staying with my mom this weekend.”

“Yeah, but it’s his birthday tomorrow.”

“And that’s why I’m planning to head over there tomorrow morning.”

Jared looked at him curiously. “So, things are still good with you guys?”

“Yeah. Really good.”

Evan wanted to cringe when he heard how uncertain he sounded. Things were good. Mostly good. More good than bad.

“Is he, like, a total slob or something? I bet he’s used to people cleaning up after him.”

“He’s… We’re working on it.”

Jared smirked and shook his head. “So… You want me to pick you up tomorrow?”

“Sure. Ten o’clock work for you?”

Jared shrugged absentmindedly.

“You excited to see Zoe? You guys are still together, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, for the most part,” Jared nodded. “We talked about it and we decided to put our relationship on the back burner for a while.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means that we’re both crazy busy at the moment. We’re staying together, but with the understanding that our relationship isn’t a priority right now. We decided we’ll be honest and tell each other if there’s a reason we think we should break up.”

“That’s…” Evan chuckled disbelievingly. “Strangely mature of you.”

Jared caught his eye and grinned. “I know, right?”

 

The house was empty when Evan stepped inside. He dropped his things in his room and basked in the emptiness.

He needed this. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it until it was happening.

If someone had told him a year ago that the day would come where he’d be overjoyed at the thought of being home alone for a couple hours, he would’ve thought they were insane.

It was amazing how wrong he would’ve been. It was amazing how good it felt to be home. To be able to do his laundry for free. To sit on his lumpy, soft couch that didn’t smell like feet and beer. To know that he only had to share a bathroom with his mother.

To be in a place where he felt safe and welcome and loved.

It was enough to almost make him feel like he should never leave home again.

Almost, but not quite.

 

****

**IX**

“What do you mean you’re not going?”

Under different circumstances, Evan would have found it hilarious that Connor and Jared had spoken in unison. Especially since they were sporting identical expressions.

“Just what I said,” Evan shrugged. “I’m not going with you.”

“But, it’s Homecoming and Zoe’s band is playing,” Jared reminded him.

“I know. I’ll call her and tell her I’m sorry. It’s just… I have a ton of work to do and I need the library for most of it and…”

“You’re seriously going to make me drive home with this guy?” Jared threw a thumb in Connor’s direction. “By ourselves? Without anyone chaperoning?”

“We could take separate cars,” Connor pointed out.

“Do you have any idea how bad that would be for the environment? I can send you a link if you don’t. Miles is really into-”

“Please come,” Connor whispered.

“I can’t,” Evan insisted. He opened his laptop and stared blankly at the screen until they were gone.

 

So, he may have stretched the truth a bit. 

A bit, but not completely. He really did have a ton of homework. He could’ve done most of it at home though. He really only needed to go to the library to check out a book for his science paper.

He’d had a reason for staying behind though. A reason that had nothing and everything to do with Connor and their relationship and the tension that wouldn’t go away.

He needed to prove to himself, to everyone, that he could survive on his own. That he could manage to brave the dining hall without Connor dragging him there. That he could leave his room and talk to people and not hide in the dark because he was too scared to let his dormmates know he was in. That he could get through a weekend by himself without falling apart.

 

Okay, so he got a to go box for his lunch on Saturday. 

That wasn’t a big deal. Lots of people did that. 

He got it to go because he was finally making progress on his paper. He didn’t want to jeopardize that by sitting down to eat.

 

He turned the lights on when it got dark. That was something.

He kept his door closed, but people walking by would be able to see light shining beneath it.

And he would open the door if anyone knocked on it.

He totally would.

Probably.

Maybe.

 

He froze when he heard the music. He would know that score anywhere. 

He’d been on his way back from the bathroom when he heard ‘Hedwig’s Theme’ playing in the lounge. He hadn’t planned to follow the sound, but it was like his feet suddenly had a mind of their own.

He lingered in the doorway for over a minute before they noticed him. His eyes widened when they looked up, but he forced himself to stay put.

“Hey, sorry,” the guy on the left apologized. “Are we being too loud?”

“We can turn it down,” the guy on the right offered.

“Actually, uh…” Evan ignored the pounding in his chest. He ignored the itchy feeling in his scalp. He refused to worry about the sweat forming on his hands. 

“Is it cool if I join you?”

 

Their names were Mark and Elijah. They were roommates and claimed that they were rapidly becoming best friends.

“Mike, my best friend from home, is seriously jealous,” Elijah said.

“He really is,” Mark confirmed.

Evan didn’t know what to say to that, so he gestured at the screen instead. “So, uh, what House do you think you’d be in?”

“Ravenclaw, for sure,” Elijah said automatically.

“I don’t know,” Mark said thoughtfully. “I’ve struggled with that question a lot. I think I’d be a Hatstall.”

“Really?” Elijah scoffed. “I’d say you’d be in Gryffindor.”

“Gryffindor or Slytherin,” Mark shrugged. “I can’t decide which.”

“Wait, you think you might be a Slytherin?” Elijah gasped. “Okay, Mike can officially stop worrying…”

“Hey!” Mark rolled his eyes.

“Slytherin doesn’t mean evil,” Evan pointed out quietly.

“Yeah, exactly!” Mark beamed. He grinned as he turned to face Evan. “So, what about you? What House would you be in?”

“Ravenclaw, probably,” Evan said. “Or maybe Hufflepuff. I’m definitely not a Gryffindor.”

“Do you ever do that thing?” Elijah wondered. “That thing where you look at people you know and try to guess what House they’d be in?”

“Honestly?” Evan laughed. “All the time…”

 

Evan put his book down and rubbed his eyes as he watched the door handle turn. He smiled up at Connor as he flopped down next to him. “How was it?”

“Have you talked to Jared yet?”

“No,” Evan said nervously. “What happened? Did you guys-”

“Don’t believe anything he says about my driving.”

“What?” 

“I’m not a bad driver. You know that, right?”

“I guess?” Evan said uncertainly.

“Why the hesitation?” Connor demanded. “I’m-”

“Okay,” Evan cut in quickly. “So, besides the drive, was everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Connor nodded. “Zoe sounded great, as usual. My parents were happy to see me. My mom was sad you weren’t there. She sent you some cookies. I’d get them, but I think I’m too tired to stand.”

“That’s okay,” Evan shrugged. “I’m not hungry.”

Connor sat up and stared at him. “Did you eat today?”

“Of course, I ate.”

“Something other than cereal and granola bars?”

“I went to the dining hall twice today.”

“You did?”

“Yeah…” Evan scratched his neck self-consciously. “With Mark and Elijah.”

“With… What?”

“They’re my new friends. I mean, I think we’re friends. We just met last night, but…”

“You made friends while I was gone?”

“Okay, I’m getting a bit insulted now…”

“How?”

“Honestly?” Evan laughed. “They were watching Harry Potter and I asked if I could join them.”

“You…” Connor shook his head and laughed too. “I’d say I’m upset because that’s our thing, but I’m glad you made friends.”

“Me too.”

Connor yawned and put his head back down. “God, I missed you.”

“You were gone two days.”

“I know. It’s pathetic. I used to think it was hard to sleep when you weren’t there. Now, it’s pretty much impossible.”

“Maybe that’s why Jared thinks you’re a bad driver.”

Connor stared at him in disbelief. “Really?” 

“I’m just saying…”

 

****

**X**

Making friends changed things for Evan. He kind of hated that it did. It made him think there was something wrong with his self-esteem. What did it say about him that meeting Mark and Elijah gave him a boost in that department?

He decided to start making himself do other things that made him nervous. Not big things. Not things that made him really anxious. Just little things.

He made it a point to eat dinner with Connor’s friends twice a week. Partially because that definitely qualified as something that made him nervous. Mostly because of Connor. Because he knew Connor would drop them if he thought that was what Evan wanted. Because he knew they were good for Connor. At least, he thought they were. Hoped they were. He really, truly hoped they were.

He didn’t say much when he sat with them. Some nights, he didn’t speak at all. They tried to pull him into their conversations from time to time. Cody asked him about his classes. Shawn wanted to know why he liked mixing ketchup with vinegar. When Asia asked him what his favorite tree was, he finally realized that Connor must be coaching them on how to talk to him. That thought would have upset him, except he knew it was necessary. The fact that it was necessary made him kind of sad though. 

 

On Halloween, he went to Cody and Shawn’s room for a movie marathon. 

A horror movie marathon.

A horror movie marathon in a room packed with at least a dozen freshmen.

He kept his head buried in Connor’s shoulder the whole night. 

It was okay though. He was fairly certain that Connor didn’t mind.

 

The more he got to know Connor’s friends, the more he realized that they weren’t that bad. They were loud and unpredictable and just a tad unsettling, but he decided they had good intentions.

He still preferred hanging out with Mark and Elijah though. He ate with them most nights. Connor started joining them twice a week. Evan was kind of amused when he realized that was becoming a thing.

Their dinner table grew as Elijah started dating a girl named Jasmine and Mark ran into George, a guy he knew from middle school. Then, Jasmine’s roommate, Ava, started sitting with them and she brought her friends Cecily and Ana. And George’s friend Steve started showing up more and more. And then…

The table kept growing until the number of people sitting there actually outnumbered Connor’s group. It would’ve been overwhelming if they weren’t such a calm group. A calm group that actually had civilized conversations.

It also helped that they all liked Harry Potter.

Well, everyone except Jasmine did, but Elijah swore he was working on that.

 

****

**XI**

Evan propped his feet up on the table while he watched his mother roll the dice. It was the day after Thanksgiving and they were camped out in the living room, playing board games and eating turkey sandwiches while they watched Charlie Brown.

They’d had to postpone celebrating Thanksgiving their way because they’d gone to Connor’s house the day before. 

It had been… Interesting? That was the best word for it, Evan thought. It was definitely safe to say that Connor had never exaggerated when he’d described his family’s Thanksgivings.

It was a relief to be back in his own house with his own mother. He listened as she filled him in on everything that was happening in her life. She loved her new job. She loved that it had normal hours and better benefits. She missed the hospital sometimes, but she still kept in touch with the people there. Her friend Natalie had even asked her to be in her wedding.

“She wants me to be a bridesmaid,” Heidi laughed. “Me! At my age! I’m practically old enough to be her mother.”

“Are you going to do it?” Evan wondered.

“Of course,” Heidi nodded. “It would be rude to say no. And she is a sweet person. I hope it works out for her. I really do.”

“Me too,” Evan said absentmindedly as he moved his piece across the board.

“So, are you going to Connor’s tonight?”

“I wasn’t planning to. I thought we were staying in and you know…” He gestured at the game.

“Oh, I didn’t realize…”

“Is that a problem?”

“No, no, of course not,” Heidi said quickly. “I just have to make a call then.”

“A call?”

“I, uh, I have to-”

“You have plans?” Evan filled in uncertainly.

“It’s nothing. I can cancel them. I just thought you’d be at Connor’s and-”

Evan could feel his heart speeding up in his chest. He didn’t know how he knew, but he knew. He knew what she wasn’t telling him. “What kind of plans do you have?”

 

“My mother has a boyfriend.”

Evan wasn’t sure if Connor had heard him until he felt Connor’s hand on his shoulder.

“She has a boyfriend?”

Evan nodded, but didn’t lift his head off the pillow. 

“That’s, uh-”

“I don’t know,” Evan said into the pillow. He took a breath before sitting up again. “I don’t know what it is. She’s never… I mean, I don’t-I don’t think she’s dated since…”

“Since your dad,” Connor finished.

“Yeah,” Evan sighed. 

“Is it possible that she’s dated, but never told you about it?”

“No… Maybe… I don’t know.”

“I’ve heard of that happening, you know. She may not have wanted you to know so you wouldn’t get attached to the guys.”

Evan nodded numbly. That would make sense, considering everything with his dad. The last thing his mother would have wanted would be for him to get attached to a guy and then end up crushed when things didn’t work out.

“She must be serious about him,” Evan said suddenly.

“What makes you say that?” 

“Why else would she tell me? She must be serious about him.”

“Maybe she just thinks you’re old enough now. You’re out of the house and you’re-”

“Oh my God. She’s going to marry him. She’s going to marry Geoff. Geoff with a ‘G.’ She’s going to marry Geoff with a ‘G.’”

“Okay, you’re getting a little ahead of yourself, don’t you think?” Connor laughed.

“I’m going to have a stepfather,” Evan moaned into his hands. “I’m going to have a freaking stepfather… What if he has kids? What if they move into the house and the kids take over my room and-”

Evan found himself effectively cut off as Connor swooped down to kiss him.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” Evan parroted. “Okay, so I may have been freaking out a little.”

“Just a little,” Connor smirked.

“Yeah…”

“You staying here tonight?”

“I have to, don’t I? What with Geoff, the future stepfather, staying at my house?”

Connor rolled his eyes and stood up. “Come on. Let’s go tell my mom so she can set a place at the table.”

 

****

**XII**

Evan stomped his feet on the doormat before he went into the diner. He was eager to get back home before the snow picked up even more.

He’d never driven in the snow before. Not by himself, at least. The one and only time he’d tried, he’d been with his mother and she’d let him switch places with her after one block.

He made his way to the counter and told the waitress that he was there to pick up a to go order.

He jumped when he heard someone squeal his name and pull him into what could only be described as a bone-crushing hug. He laughed when he saw who it was.

“Hey, Alana!”

“Oh my God! It’s so good to see you!” Alana cried. “Are you home for break too?”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “I took my last exam two days ago.”

“I finished last week,” Alana told him. She leaned back to wave at a woman in the kitchen. “Hey, Shirl, I’m taking my break.” She grabbed Evan’s arm and nodded at a table in the back. “Let’s sit over there.”

“I, uh, I actually have to-”

Alana gave him a beady stare and shook her head. “You can’t spare five minutes for me? We’re bonded now. We cleaned up frog guts together. That bonds people for life.”

Evan wrinkled his nose at the memory. She had a point though. They had definitely gotten close when they’d worked together that summer. He’d even call her a friend. Maybe not a close one, but a friend nonetheless. 

Alana immediately launched into a breathless summary of everything that had happened to her since they’d seen each other. She told him all about her classes and her roommate and her new friends. She loved her school. Absolutely loved it. She’d discovered a new passion there - acting. She loved acting. She was part of a theater group. Not the one for people who wanted to pursue it professionally, but one that she was having a lot of fun with.

She asked him a couple questions about what he’d been up to, but he was barely able to answer them before she told him about a “weird moment” that she’d had with her friend Tracy.

“So, you and Connor… You were friends first, right?” Alana asked.

“Yeah,” Evan nodded.

“How did that change?”

“Um, well, he kissed me and then…”

“That was it?”

“Pretty much.”

“Before that, did you… God, this is personal, isn’t it?” Alana cringed and stared at her hands. “You don’t have to answer me, but… Before that, did you know that you were gay?”

Evan blinked as he stared out the window. “Well, I, uh… I’m not sure I am, actually. I think I’m bi.”

“Bi?”

“Yeah. I’m almost positive I’m bi.”

“Oh… Yeah. That’s a thing.”

“It’s definitely a thing.”

“Right.” Alana absentmindedly tapped her fingers on the table. “I should let you go before your food gets cold.”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded eagerly. The snow looked like it was letting up, but he knew that could change in an instant.

“It really was good seeing you, Evan.”

“You too,” Evan smiled.

 

****

**XIII**

“Would you sit down before you hurt yourself? You’re making me dizzy.”

Evan stumbled slightly at Connor’s words and let his body crash onto the bed. “I don’t think I can do this.”

“It’s just dinner.”

“It’s not just dinner.”

“I’ll be there the whole time. You can do this.”

“Who does she think she’s kidding?” Evan hissed. “She calls me up out of the blue and says that she just happens to be passing my school.”

“Maybe she was.”

“Yeah, right,” Evan scoffed. “She just happened to look up and realize that they were near me and wanted to know if it would be okay if they stop by for dinner?”

“You have to meet him sometime.”

“No, I don’t. They might break up. They might-”

“You said it yourself. They’re getting serious.”

Evan squeezed his eyes shut and leaned back against his pillow. He hated this. He’d managed to avoid meeting Geoff while he’d been home for winter break. It had been tricky. He’d been there for over a month. He’d worked it out though. He’d successfully figured out how to disappear whenever Geoff was coming over. Now, here he was. Back at school for less than a week and his mother had found a way to force him to meet her boyfriend.

“Wait a minute,” Evan whispered. “Weren’t you going to a concert tonight?”

Connor didn’t say anything. His silence told Evan everything he needed to know.

“You-”

“I decided not to go.”

“You knew,” Evan laughed mirthlessly. “You knew she was going to do this!”

“She thought it would be easier for you if I came too.”

“I can’t believe this… How would you feel if… I’m not going.”

“It’s too late for that,” Connor informed him. He held up his phone to show Evan the text. “They’re already here.”

 

It turned out that Geoff with a ‘G’ was really nice. Almost too nice. Evan couldn’t stop wondering if he was putting on an act to win them over.

He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised that Geoff was nice. Of course, his mother would choose a nice boyfriend. Had he really thought she’d date someone mean?

Geoff was an electrician. He owned his own business. He had never been married. He didn’t have any kids, but he had lots of nieces and nephews. He was training one of his nephews to take over for him when he retired.

He’d met Heidi on a blind date that had been arranged by her friend Maggie. They’d hit it off right away and had been seeing each other for six months.

That part alarmed Evan. It confirmed what Connor had said about the possibility that his mother had been dating all along. She’d been seeing Geoff since July. He’d been home for the first six weeks of their relationship and he hadn’t noticed anything. 

He saw the look on his mother’s face when Geoff mentioned their first date. He saw the way she looked at him, the way her eyes widened as she watched him do the math.

“We only saw each other a few times last summer,” Heidi said softly. “It wasn’t until the fall that-”

“I-I have to go to the bathroom,” Evan sputtered. He stood up and left the table without looking back. 

He didn’t go to the bathroom. He passed it and considered going in, but he didn’t actually have to go and it seemed weird to go in there when he didn’t have to go and…

He went outside instead. He sat on the bench outside the door and put his hands on his knees while he tried to breathe. His stomach felt like it was doing somersaults. His hands felt like they were on fire. His vision was getting blurry. He blinked until that went away.

What was wrong with him? He was eighteen, almost nineteen, years old and he was freaking out about the fact that his mother was seeing someone. This was something eight-year-olds did. It would’ve been acceptable ten years ago. Not now. Not like this.

It was just… It had always been the two of them against the world. Even when she wasn’t there, even when he felt completely alone, they were a family. An entire family. What did this mean? Was she going to move in with Geoff? Was he going to move in with her? Was she going to take his last name if they got married? The idea made Evan sick. He’d have a different last name than his mother because there was no way he was taking Geoff’s last name… whatever it was.

Would Geoff expect him to call him ‘Dad?’ He already had a dad. Not the greatest one, granted, but his father was trying. He was trying more and more. They had a pretty solid email relationship.

What if Geoff didn’t like him? What if that made his mother look at him differently? What if… He was being ridiculous. He could practically hear Dr. Sherman’s voice telling him that there wasn’t anything so wrong with him that other people hated him on sight. 

It wasn’t that he wanted his mother to be lonely. Evan swallowed anxiously when that thought occurred to him. It wasn’t like he thought he should be the only person who loved her. It was just…

He didn’t know what it was, but it was freaking him out. It was…

“Sweetie.”

Evan started when he heard his mother’s voice. He looked up as she sat down next to him.

“You know, I almost had to threaten Connor with my butter knife to get him to let me be the one to track you down.”

Heidi sighed and looked at him sadly. “You’re really having a rough time with this, aren’t you?”

“Little bit,” Evan nodded stiffly.

“Okay. That’s okay. It’s a perfectly normal reaction.”

“No, it’s not,” Evan scoffed. “Not-not at my age.”

“You’ve never had to deal with this before. That’s on me.”

“Have you… Have there been others?”

“Boyfriends? No. I mean, I’ve dated…” She flinched when she saw his expression. “Here and there. Nothing serious though. I never had time for anything serious.”

“But, now you do. I’m gone and you-”

“I’m done with school and have a job with a normal schedule,” Heidi filled in. “And, yes, you are gone… I’ll admit that’s part of it.”

“Are you going to marry him?”

“I don’t know,” Heidi chuckled. “We haven’t… It’s possible, I suppose, but it’s not something we’re talking about right now.”

“Okay,” Evan nodded. “Well, if you do, I’m not calling him ‘Dad.’”

“He won’t expect you to.”

“Or taking his last name.”

“That goes for both of us. His last name’s Heffelfinger. Can you imagine? Heidi Heffelfinger? I’d sound like a cartoon character.”

“Or a Harry Potter character.”

“Or that,” Heidi grinned. She reached over and squeezed Evan’s hand. “Can you try to give him a chance? Please. He’s been dying to meet you.”

“No, he hasn’t,” Evan rolled his eyes.

“He has, actually. For months. I kept putting it off because… Because I wasn’t ready. Because part of me will always look at you and see the little boy who was nearly destroyed when his father went away.”

“I’m not-”

“I know. I know you’re not a little boy anymore. And you’ll never get attached to Geoff to the point where it’ll devastate you if he leaves. And-”

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“We should probably go back in before our food gets cold.”

Heidi smiled and squeezed his hand again. “Good idea.”

 

****

**XIV**

Evan glanced in the mirror as the bathroom door swung open dramatically. If it had been anyone else, he would have blamed it on a faulty pump, but it was Jared, so he knew it been swung that way on purpose.

“This was a mistake,” Jared moaned as he leaned against the sink.

“It was your idea,” Evan reminded him.

“Yeah and I’m admitting it was a mistake.”

“Do you want me to take Connor and-”

“What were we thinking? Double date for Valentine’s weekend? Not my best idea ever.”

“Are they still-”

“Zoe just accused him of spilling nail polish on her comforter the last time he was home.”

“He misses her too…”

“We’re definitely not sitting together at the show.”

“That’s fine,” Evan shrugged. “Connor and I didn’t really want to go to it anyway. I’ll tell him we should just head back to our room instead.”

“Ugh, TMI…”

“What?” Evan frowned. “Oh… No, I just meant-”

“Don’t tell me you two still aren’t…” Jared grinned suggestively.

“Didn’t you just accuse me of giving you too much information?”

“So, you are then?”

“Okay, you know how I always stop you from telling me what you do with Zoe?”

“Because you’re a prude,” Jared nodded.

“Because she’s my friend and my boyfriend’s sister and it’s weird. Connor’s your friend. Do you really want to know what I do with him?”

“With him or to him?”

Evan closed his eyes and made his face go blank.

“You’re totally sleeping together,” Jared smirked.

Evan shook his head as he tried not to laugh. “We’ve been living together for almost six months. What do you think we’re doing?”

 

****

**XV**

“Hey,” Connor said as he took a seat on the couch. “I know it’s your birthday and all, but it’s also our anniversary. Any chance we’re going to get to spend any of it alone?”

Evan looked up from his phone and glanced around the room. Jared was sitting by the window, nodding as he listened to Zoe talk about how different spring break was going to be for them next year. Connor’s parents had just gone into the kitchen to help his mother and Geoff finish cooking dinner.

“Maybe? My mom said something about staying at Geoff’s tonight.”

“Okay,” Connor nodded. “I’m staying here. You know that, right?”

“I figured,” Evan smiled. He glanced at his phone again and sighed. “So, kind of a weird question, but did we ever have a first date?”

“What do you mean?”

“Mark’s been texting me all day. He asked Ana out before we all left and now he’s kind of making himself sick over it. He had the same girlfriend all through high school and she was someone he’s known his whole life, so… He keeps asking me for advice.”

“Wait, hold up, someone’s asking you for dating advice?” Jared laughed from across the room.

“Well… Yeah…” Evan could feel his face turning red as his phone buzzed again.

“He’s had a boyfriend for a year now,” Zoe pointed out. She smacked Jared’s arm and glared at him until he stopped laughing.

“A boyfriend he’s been living with for months,” Connor added.

“But… This is Evan we’re talking about.” Jared looked at them all in disbelief. “Evan!”

“What’d you tell him?” Zoe asked politely.

“Not much… I mean…” Evan glanced at Connor and shrugged. “We never really had a first date. It just… Connor kissed me and then it was just… Boom, instant relationship.”

Evan’s hands twitched in his lap when he heard Jared crack up again. He was really starting to regret starting this conversation while other people were in the room.

“Is this your roundabout way of asking me out on a date?” 

Evan’s face scrunched up and he shook his head. He kind of hated how amused Connor sounded just then. 

“YANA was kind of a first date, wasn’t it?” Connor said thoughtfully. “Not in the traditional sense, I guess, but that’s how we got to know each other.”

“You mean, that’s how you got to know Evan and Evan got-” Jared abruptly stopped speaking as Zoe covered his mouth with her hand.

“Let’s go set the table,” she said softly.

“It’s already-” Jared sighed when he saw the look on her face. “Yeah, okay…”

“I mean, the Harry Potter weekend… You know, the one where we wrote, like, a thousand messages?”

“I remember,” Evan grinned.

“That was the first time I thought ‘hey, I could actually be friends with this guy.’”

“Me too,” Evan nodded. “Before that, I thought you were okay, but… I don’t know. That was the first time it actually felt like we were having a real conversation.”

“Because it was. So, use that if you want.”

“But, we didn’t know who we were writing to then… And we didn’t start going out for another-”

“Okay, fine, then don’t,” Connor shrugged. “Just make something up. Something cool. Not too sappy. Asia will never let me hear the end of it if this gets back to her.”

“I think I’ll just tell him to be himself and that I hope it all works out,” Evan decided.

“That’s probably for the best,” Connor agreed.

 

****

**XVI**

Evan tilted his head as he examined the book rack. It had been so easy to set up and yet was proving to be so difficult to take apart.

“Hey,” he started as the door opened again. He stopped himself when he saw it was Zoe. He winced and called himself a whole list of names when he realized that he had automatically assumed she couldn’t help him.

“You need help with that?” Zoe offered.

“Yeah,” Evan nodded.

Zoe glanced out the window before joining him on the floor. “Hey, while I have you to myself, I have to ask you something.”

“Shoot.”

“What’s it like sharing a room with Connor?”

“What?”

Zoe bit her lip and picked up the screwdriver. “Did he tell you about my mother’s insane idea for us?”

“That you two should travel around Europe together?”

“Uh huh,” Zoe laughed. “She thinks it’s a brilliant idea for us to spend two months together.”

“Connor thought she was going with you.”

“Nope. Just the two of us.”

“Oh,” Evan said nervously.

“Yeah, exactly. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we get along now. Mom wouldn’t have suggested it if we didn’t. It’s just… That’s a lot of time with Connor and…”

“You want to know what to expect?”

“Exactly.”

“Well, uh, don’t wake him up unless it’s absolutely necessary,” Evan started.

“Okay, yeah, I knew that, but thanks for the reminder.”

“We’ve, um, we’ve established this thing where we tell each other ‘don’t shut me out’ when we get upset.”

“I don’t think that’ll be a problem. Connor and I have never had trouble expressing why we’re angry at each other.”

“True…” Evan muttered. “Let’s see, uh…”

“Does he still leave his dirty socks everywhere?”

“No, I-”

“You got him to stop doing that? I could hug you!”

“Why could you hug him?” Connor demanded from the doorway.

“Because he got you to stop leaving your filthy socks all over the place.”

“Mom needs you outside,” Connor told her. “She needs you to crawl in the back and try to pull my lamp in.”

Zoe sighed and stood up. She nudged Evan with her foot before turning to go. “Hey, email me a list if you get a chance, okay?”

“Okay,” Evan promised.

“A list of what?” Connor asked as he sat down. He picked up the screwdriver Zoe had abandoned and set to work on the rack.

“Tips for living with you,” Evan replied.

“Oh, that should be good. Make sure you cc me on it.”

“Will do,” Evan nodded.

“You might need to read it yourself before we come back here in August,” Connor said quietly. “Two months… That’s… I don’t want to go.”

“It’s Europe though.”

“Europe with Zoe and without you.”

“You’ll have fun,” Evan insisted. 

“Maybe,” Connor shrugged. “I doubt it though.”

“It’ll be fine. We’ll email, we’ll skype.”

“You won’t forget me while you’re working in the lab this summer?”

“Forget you?” Evan bumped their shoulders together. “Impossible…”


	2. Sophomore Year

****

**I**

Evan didn’t know why he was still staring at the stain. He knew what he had to do. He wasn’t going to figure out which pile the shirt belonged in until he smelled it.

He gingerly picked it up and breathed in deeply. Soil. Definitely soil. The shirt would have to soak for a while, but he’d be able to save it in the end.

“Did I lose you again?” Connor wondered. 

“What?” Evan blinked as he tried to balance the phone on his shoulder while he opened the washer. “Sorry. I’m sorting clothes.”

“Your laundry is more interesting than me?” Connor laughed.

“You already told me that story. You emailed me it to me last week,” Evan reminded him.

“I know, but isn’t it better to hear me say it out loud?”

“Yeah, of course,” Evan said swiftly. His teeth clenched as he tried to open the bottle of detergent. He didn’t usually have to fight this hard to get the cap off. He supposed he should’ve wiped the slime off his hands before he picked the bottle up. “So… What time did you say you get in tonight?”

“About that… There was an issue with the connecting flight and-”

Evan cursed as he scrambled to catch the laundry detergent before it slipped out of his hands. His phone slid off his shoulder during the struggle. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it had landed safely on a pile of towels.

“One second,” Evan yelled as he finally started the wash. “I, uh…” He put the cap back on the detergent and wiped his hands on his jeans. “Sorry. Slight laundry snafu.”

“Everything okay over there?”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded briskly. “I just… What time did you say you’ll be back?”

He inhaled sharply when he heard the doorbell rang upstairs. He shook his head as he gaped at the piles of clothes by his feet. It was a good thing he didn’t mind doing laundry. He had a feeling he’d have to spend a good portion of his life doing it if he committed to this field of study.

“What’s wrong?” Connor asked.

“What?”

“That was your frustrated sigh.”

“I have a frustrated sigh?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh, uh, nothing… I just…” Evan squeezed his eyes shut as the doorbell rang again. “Someone’s at the door and I’m drowning in laundry and-”

“Can’t your mom get it?”

“What?”

“The door. Can’t your mom get it?”

“She’s at Geoff’s. It’s probably one of those energy solicitors. They’ve been relentless all summer. They’ll go away if I don’t answer the door.”

Evan flinched when the doorbell rang a third time. He flinched and blinked as he pulled his phone back to stare at it. He disconnected the call without saying a word.

He frantically tried to tame his hair and smooth his shirt as he ran up the stairs. His nose wrinkled when he looked down at his polo. Okay, so, there was a definite pond sludge thing going on there too…

“Really?” Evan sighed as he flung the door open.

“Really?” Connor mimicked. “That’s how you greet your boyfriend you haven’t seen in seven weeks?”

“A little heads up would’ve been nice. I’m covered in pond sludge.”

“And I really don’t care about that right now.”

“Yeah, but-” Evan put a hand up to stop Connor before he leaned in. “Wait… Did you come here straight from the airport? Because that’s even more disgusting than pond sludge.”

“Are you…” Connor laughed and shook his head. “You’re not kidding, are you? No. I went home first. I’ve showered, eaten, and informed my parents that I’m staying here until we go back to school.”

“Oh… Well, in that case…”

Evan frowned as he watched Connor take a step back and look around the room. “What?”

“You said your mom’s at Geoff’s, right?”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded.

“For the whole night?”

“As far as I know… I, uh, didn’t ask for specifics, but she said she’d see me tomorrow.”

“Thank God for that,” Connor grinned. 

 

****

**II**

It didn’t take Evan long to decide that sophomore year was infinitely better than freshman year. He knew the lay of the land. He understood how things worked. He didn’t feel like he was completely lost or pathetic or useless.

His classes were more interesting and complex. He’d officially declared that he was majoring in Environmental Science with a concentration in Biology and minoring in English. His advisor had recommended that because it would be useful if Evan stuck to his goal of focusing on research.

His personal life was stable. He realized that made it sound boring, but he liked it that way. Things with Connor were still good. He had an assortment of friends. Friends from his freshman dorm, friends in his classes, even friends at other colleges.

The biggest change that year was the Zoe factor.

 

****

**III**

Zoe swore Jared hadn’t influenced her college selection process. Evan had heard that more times than he could count. He’d heard everyone in the Murphy family say it so many times he thought it might end up becoming their family motto.

Evan had worried about Jared’s reaction when he heard where Zoe was going. He’d expected his friend to be unbearably smug and obnoxious about it. Jared hadn’t been though. He’d seemed surprised and pleased. Mostly pleased.

Zoe wanted to be a music teacher. She’d come to that conclusion the year before and had spent her senior year researching schools with strong music programs. Her ultimate goal was to teach during the week and play her guitar on the weekend. 

Despite the fact that her college was less than three miles down the road from his, Evan hadn’t expected to see much of Zoe when they all went back to school. He figured she’d tag along when he did something with Jared once in a while and that would be it.

He never would have predicted that she’d end up, for all intents and purposes, becoming his second roommate.

 

Evan braced himself when he saw the door handle turn. He shut his eyes and stood up to meet Connor as he came through the door.

“She’s still here?” Connor snarled when his eyes landed on his sister.

“I can hear you, you know?” Zoe hissed. She reached into Connor’s bureau and pulled out a towel.

“Why-”

“I’m going to go take a shower,” Zoe announced. She grabbed Connor’s shampoo and flounced across the room. “So, that gives you guys ten minutes to do whatever you want.”

Something about her laughter made Evan think that she had been spending too much time with Jared.

“She’s taking showers here now?” Connor moaned. “This has to stop.”

“She has nowhere else to go,” Evan reminded him.

“She has a room. A room that my parents are paying for her to sleep in. A room in her dorm, at her college. A room that-”

“She can’t help the fact that she keeps getting sexiled.”

“She should go stay with Jared then. They can sexile his roommate.”

Evan’s face scrunched up as he stared at Connor. He could see the moment Connor realized what he’d said and regretted it. 

And was repulsed by it.

“That wouldn’t be fair to Miles,” Evan said lightly. “And, besides, Zoe and Jared are in a fight right now.”

“They are?”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “I don’t what happened, but they’ve both alluded to that fact.”

“Still-”

“Give her time. She’ll… I don’t know. She’ll make friends and figure out how to deal with her roommate and make up with Jared. Hopefully.”

“One week,” Connor sighed. “If she’s still showing up like this in a week-”

“We’ll help her sort things out.”

“I was going to say we’re getting her banned from the building. You always have to be nice though, don’t you?”

“I try,” Evan smiled.

 

Evan grabbed the bedpost to keep himself from falling as Connor climbed in next to him. They’d had to separate their beds to accommodate Zoe and were still getting used to sleeping in such a small space.

“How was the concert?” Evan yawned as he glanced at the clock on his desk. “It must’ve let out pretty late.”

“What?” Connor tiredly rubbed his eyes. “It was, uh, good, I guess. Asia ditched us because she ran into some guy she knew. We all ended up having to catch the bus back and… Where’s Zoe?”

“Home. She decided to go home for the weekend.”

“She did?”

“Yeah. She’s… She’s thinking about becoming a commuter student.”

“Oh. Is that even possible?”

“I don’t know. She said it would be an unofficial thing. She’s thinking about living at home until she can get a new roommate.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Connor admitted.

“I guess…” He blinked when he saw the look on Connor’s face. “What?”

“You like having her here, don’t you?”

“Having Zoe here?” Evan repeated. “What do you mean?”

“You used to have a thing for her.”

“Two years ago,” Evan laughed. “Where’s this coming from?”

Connor didn’t answer him. He stayed still and stared blankly at the ceiling. 

“Hey,” Evan whispered. “You’re not suggesting that I… I haven’t thought of Zoe that way in years. Seriously. Years. We’re friends now. She’s your sister and Jared’s girlfriend… I guess. I think they’re still together.”

“I wouldn’t blame you.”

“What?” 

“If you liked Zoe better. Everyone likes Zoe better. I like Zoe better.”

“Well, I don’t. I definitely prefer her brother.”

“You do?”

“How is that even a question?”

Connor shrugged and took a breath. “You guys have been hanging out a lot lately.”

“I guess… She’s having a rough time and I get what she’s going through. Freshman year can be hard. She has it even worse than I did. At least, I had you for a roommate.”

Evan rolled onto his side when Connor didn’t respond. “Did something happen tonight?”

“My dad called.”

“Again?”

“Yeah,” Connor huffed.

“Did he… Did he yell at you or-”

“I wish he’d yelled. I know how to react when he yells.” Connor laughed harshly when he noticed the confusion on Evan’s face. “I yell back.”

“Right…” Evan nodded. “So, what’d he say?”

“Same thing he’s said the last five times he’s called. He found some more articles he thinks I should read.”

“Have you tried reading any of them?” Evan cringed when he saw Connor’s expression. “Maybe he’s found something useful or… Not. Probably not.”

“Definitely not,” Connor sneered. “I’m not going to figure out what I want to do with my life by reading an article my father sent me.”

“You still have time,” Evan reminded him. “You don’t actually have to declare a major until the end of the year and even then-”

“I’m the only one,” Connor said quietly.

“The only one who-”

“The only one who doesn’t know what he’s doing,” Connor cut in. “You have it all planned out.”

“No, I don’t. I-’

“Academically,” Connor clarified. “I know you haven’t decided on a career yet, but that’ll come. You’re on a definite path.”

“I lucked out,” Evan said softly. “I’ve always liked science and I’m good at it and-”

“Jared’s figured it out. Last year, he had no clue what he wanted to do. Now, he’s suddenly majoring in Economics and minoring in Business Management. How the hell did that happen?”

“He’s always liked money,” Evan laughed.

“Zoe’s been in college for less than a month and she knows what she wants to do. Asia has her art. Shawn’s studying Political Science. Cody’s going to be a freaking gym teacher.”

“He is?”

“I made so many jokes when I heard that…” Connor shut his eyes and took a breath. “I could go on. They were all talking about their plans during the ride back to campus. They talked and I just sat there, like an idiot. An idiot who-”

“Hey,” Evan cut in. “That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“You’ll figure it out.”

“What if I don’t?”

Evan reached out and grabbed his hand. “Then, we’ll figure it out.”

 

****

**IV**

Evan smacked Jared’s hand away when he tried to pull the textbook out of his lap. “I’m studying…”

“We noticed,” Jared rolled his eyes. “You can’t put it down while we eat? It’s your boyfriend’s birthday.”

“I’m cool with it,” Connor shrugged. 

Evan looked up long enough to give Connor a grateful smile. “We were with his parents all morning, so I couldn’t… I really need to go over this before my quiz tomorrow.”

“Pass me the egg rolls,” Zoe ordered. Jared quickly jumped up to get them, even though they were next to Connor.

Evan glanced at Connor quickly and grinned. Jared was clearly doing his best to get back on Zoe’s good side.

“Where’s your roommate?” Connor wondered. His eyes narrowed as he scanned her room.

“Out,” Zoe beamed. “It’s my night to have the room.”

“You worked things out?” Connor raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Please tell me this means you’re done crashing at our place.”

“We talked things out,” Zoe replied. “I think we’ve worked out a system, thanks to Evan.”

“Thanks to my mom, really,” Evan said without looking up.

“What’d she do?” Jared asked curiously.

“You know the sex binder she made?” Evan started.

“Yeah…” Jared said slowly. He caught Connor’s eye and smirked.

“She emailed it to me,” Zoe told them. “I, um, printed out a few relevant sections and left them on Quinn’s pillow.”

Silence fell over the room while Connor and Jared digested this information.

“You left her pages on STDs?” Jared laughed.

“And unplanned pregnancies,” Zoe nodded. “It definitely started a dialogue between us…”

 

****

**V**

His phone rang as they were clearing the table. Evan heard his mother clear her throat, but he decided to ignore her. He didn’t need to look at the screen to know who was calling him. There was only one person who would call him during the middle of the day on Thanksgiving and he would definitely prefer to talk to him than anyone in Geoff’s family.

The fact that he pretty much always preferred talking to Connor was beside the point.

“Evan,” Heidi warned.

“It’s Connor,” Evan whispered.

“You can talk to Connor later. Come help-” She stopped speaking as Geoff sidled up to them.

“My father’s study is down the hall,” Geoff told Evan. “You can take your call in there if you want.”

“He’s helping me clear,” Heidi said sharply.

“We can get someone else to help,” Geoff suggested. He leaned forward to squint at the teenagers who were camped out in the living room. “Melanie, Tyler, get your butts off the couch and come help us with the dishes.”

“That wasn’t necessary,” Heidi hissed. “Evan doesn’t have to-”

“It’s fine,” Geoff insisted. He winked at Evan and nodded at the hall. “Go on.”

Evan knew his mother would have a lot to say about this during the ride home, but he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He lowered his head to avoid her gaze and hurried out of the room without saying a word.

He called Connor back as soon as he’d shut the door to the study. 

“Guess what?” Connor said by way of greeting.

“What?”

“My uncle Kevin just asked me to have a word with Josh.”

“What? Why?”

“Because Josh is smoking pot again. He got in a lot of trouble for showing up to work high and making a scene.”

“Really?” Evan couldn’t help but laugh.

“They almost fired him!”

Evan shook his head at how delighted Connor sounded by all of this. “What stopped them?”

“The boss is my uncle’s best friend. They’ve put Josh on probation though. One more incident and he’s out.”

“Wow… That’s…”

“I know…” Connor sighed into the phone. “Suddenly, I’m the good one. Kevin wants me to talk to Josh and remind him about how much potential he has.”

“Kevin’s words?”

“Of course,” Connor scoffed.

“So, are you going to do it?”

“I don’t know… I kind of feel bad for him. I know my uncle’s always been tough on him. He’s been worse than my dad in a lot of ways.”

“Is Josh still planning to be a lawyer?”

“That’s the other thing. He claims he’s dropping out of college. That’s all anyone’s been talking about today.”

“You should talk to him,” Evan decided. “Just… I don’t know. Take Zoe with you.”

“I should probably grab Kelsey too. She won’t hesitate to smack her brother upside the head if he does something to deserve it.”

“Good idea,” Evan agreed.

“Yeah… So, how’s your Thanksgiving been?” 

Evan glanced at the door. He wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or if there really was someone walking around the hall. Either way, he knew he was pushing his luck privacy-wise.

“It’s been okay. I should probably get back out there.”

“Me too…”

Evan shut his eyes and took a breath. The thought of facing Geoff’s family again suddenly felt completely exhausting. “I’ll see you-”

“Tonight, right? You said your mom’s going to Geoff’s and you’re coming here.”

“I…” Evan had forgotten he’d said that. He was glad Connor had remembered. It gave him something to look forward to, something to hold onto while he tried to make small talk with the Heffelfingers. 

It suddenly occurred to him that his mother’s plans may have changed. The look on her face when Geoff stepped in had been… It hadn’t been good. 

That didn’t matter though, Evan decided. It didn’t change things for him. He grinned as he finished his thought. “I’ll be there. For sure.”

 

****

**VI**

Evan rubbed his forehead irritably as he stared at the screen. Twenty-five minutes? That was all the time he had left? He didn’t know how that was possible. He didn’t know how an entire hour had gone by that quickly.

Except, he kind of did. He narrowed his eyes at Connor and shook his head.

Connor stopped in mid-sentence to return the glare. “What?”

“Why aren’t you asleep?”

“Because we’re watching a movie,” Connor said slowly. “A movie you picked out, by the way. Have you even watched any of it?”

“I’m working,” Evan reminded him. “I have to submit this by midnight.”

“It’s a winterim class.”

“So?”

“So, they don’t really matter, do they?”

“Where’d you hear that?” Evan demanded.

Connor shrugged and gestured at the TV. “See, this is the part where-”

“Oh my God!” Evan moaned. “Stop! Just stop talking for five minutes. Please.”

“You’re cranky,” Connor chuckled.

“Zoe said these movies put you to sleep.”

“They make me pretend to sleep.”

“They make you pretend to sleep?” Evan repeated incredulously. 

“Yeah, so Zoe will stop trying to talk to me.”

Evan let out a breath as his head fell into his hands. He couldn’t believe how wrong Zoe had been. Not only was Connor wide awake, but he’d managed to keep up a non-stop running commentary throughout the entire movie.

“You were tying to make me fall asleep?” Connor asked suddenly.

“You were being distracting…” Evan muttered defensively.

“You should’ve put a football game on.”

“I’ll keep that in mind next time,” Evan promised.

 

The movie ended just after midnight. Evan yawned and blinked at the screen as the credits began to roll. 

“Do you want to watch it again?” Connor offered.

“You want to watch again?”

“You only got to see the last five minutes. And, besides, it’s growing on me. The first time I saw it, I thought it was the dumbest movie I’d ever seen in my life. That might’ve just been because Zoe liked it though.”

“Yeah…” Evan nodded knowingly.

“This time, I actually thought it wasn’t half-bad. Predictable, yeah. Cheesy as hell, definitely. But, it’s kind of funny.”

“So, you’re thinking third time’s the charm?”

“Possibly,” Connor said. “So?”

“Go for it,” Evan yawned. “Fair warning though, it might end up putting me to sleep.”

“Maybe we should watch it upstairs then.”

“Couch is fine. I’ll move when it’s over.”

Connor looked at him skeptically, but restarted the movie anyway. “So, what’d you think of the ending?”

“You mean the part where the guy and girl who had been dancing around each other for two hours finally got together?”

“Yeah,” Connor nodded. “See, it would’ve been more interesting if that had been the beginning. If they followed what happened after they got together. Are we really supposed to believe they ended up living happily ever after?”

“It’s a movie,” Evan shrugged.

“Yeah, but…” Connor’s cheeks puffed out as he drummed his fingers on his legs. “My mom showed Zoe our great-grandmother’s silver today.”

“What?” 

“She showed her the silver. She said it’ll be Zoe’s when she gets married.”

“So?”

“So… Zoe giggled.”

“She giggled?”

“She’s going to end up marrying Jared, isn’t she?”

Evan lifted his head off the pillow and squinted at Connor. “What?”

“Jared Kleinman’s going to end up being my brother-in-law.”

“Um…” Evan took a breath as he attempted to swallow his laughter. “I don’t know… Jared hasn’t said anything about proposing to Zoe. I think they’re both too busy, you know, trying to get through college and figure out what to do with their lives and… all that stuff to think about that right now.”

“Well, not now, necessarily, but someday.”

“Maybe?” Evan said uncertainly. “I guess it’s possible, but…”

“They’re like the couple in that movie. The one I pretend-slept through the other day. He’s the dorky guy, she’s the popular girl. On paper, you know it shouldn’t work out, but it somehow does.”

“So, you’re wondering what happened to the guy and the girl after the movie ended?” 

“Exactly,” Connor nodded.

“It was a movie.”

“I know,” Connor snapped.

“So… What do you think happened?”

“No idea,” Connor shrugged.

Evan rubbed his eyes and settled back into the cushions. “Have you come across a couple that reminds you of us?”

“We’d be a couple from an indie movie,” Connor decided.

“You mean, the quirky weirdos who-”

“Who you can actually picture sticking together in the long run,” Connor finished.

Evan laughed and shook his head. “How many of these movies have you watched this week?”

“Don’t ask,” Connor sighed. 

 

****

**VII**

The sound of the door slamming made him jump. Evan cursed as he bent down to pick up the index cards he’d knocked to the ground. Connor was leaning against his desk and glaring at him when he straightened himself up.

“Hey…” Evan laughed awkwardly.

“So, it’s true then,” Connor nodded at the cards in Evan’s hand.

“What?”

“I just got off the phone with Jared.”

Evan’s mouth suddenly felt impossibly dry. He blinked and leaned back in his chair as he tried to collect his thoughts. “You-”

“You’re giving a talk tonight and you didn’t bother telling me?” 

“It’s not a big deal,” Evan muttered. “It’s-”

“Jared called to see if I was going tonight and I asked him what he was talking about and he practically gave himself an aneurism, trying to backtrack and cover for you.”

“I didn’t ask him to do that.”

“No, he came to that conclusion all on his own,” Connor snapped. He shut his eyes and shoved his hands in pockets. “He mentioned you gave a speech last month too.”

“That one wasn’t planned,” Evan said quickly. “I was a last-minute fill-in for someone who got sick.”

“You still did it though. And you didn’t tell me.”

“You were at Asia’s art show and-”

“I would’ve left.”

“I know, but… There wasn’t time. Jared was with me when Dr. Donnelly called and… I don’t know. It happened so fast. I don’t even remember how I got there. Jared pretty much had to push me up on stage and…” 

“Jared said you were really good.”

“No, I wasn’t,” Evan rolled his eyes.

“He said it was fucking awesome to see how you actually know what you’re talking about.”

“He said that?”

“Yeah… Possibly without the expletive.”

“Right… Look, it’s not that I don’t want you there. It’s just-”

“You don’t want me to feel bad about myself,” Connor cut in.

“That’s not what I-”

“It is,” Connor shook his head. “I get it. You don’t want me to feel bad about the fact that you’re excelling in your field of study while I’m still floundering.”

“You’re not floundering!”

“I am, but that’s okay. It doesn’t mean I can’t support you. I can’t believe you got up in front of… How many people go to these things?”

“They’re not a big deal, really,” Evan insisted. “It’s just a monthly thing the science departments do. They select a dozen or so students to get up and talk about their research and what they’re learning. It’s open to the public, but it’s not like many people show up.”

“Jared said everyone else was a junior or senior.”

“They’re mostly upperclassmen,” Evan admitted. “But, it’s really not that-”

“You know that girl Eliza who sits with us sometimes?”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded stiffly.

“She said she’s been in a few of your classes.”

“I know. We worked on a project together last semester.”

“She said you’ve been the one to beat in every class she’s taken with you.”

“That’s-”

“You really are going to leave here and save the environment, aren’t you?”

Evan smiled softly as he stared at his feet. “That’s the plan…”

 

****

**VIII**

“Should we be doing something else?” Jared wondered as he watched Connor idly flip through the channels.

“Like what?” Connor asked.

“We’re in Florida. It’s spring break. Shouldn’t we… I don’t know. Should we track down Zoe and her friends and go dancing with them?” Jared laughed when he saw the looks his friends were giving him. “Right. Yeah. Stupid idea.”

“You’ve been to Florida before,” Connor nudged Evan’s foot with his toe. “Any ideas?”

“My grandmother didn’t live on this side,” Evan told them. “There is a park not far from here though. Dr. Donnelly told me about it before we left.”

“No trees,” Jared moaned. “And don’t even think about playing the birthday card. If we didn’t go to Hooters for my birthday, then we’re definitely not…” Jared frowned as a thought popped into his head. “I should get out of here. It’s your anniversary.”

“Yeah, but…” Evan looked at Connor and shrugged. “We’re not doing anything.”

“Because I’m here,” Jared nodded. “I can take a hint. It’s fine. I’ll go find Zoe. We’ll-”

“Jared-” Evan started.

“Hey, do you realize how lucky you are?” Jared asked Connor. “You only have to remember one date. Birthday and anniversary together. That’s kind of awesome… Though, I guess you’ll really be screwed if you ever forget it, won’t you? Still… Do you have any idea how lucky you are?”

“Yeah,” Connor grinned. He slid down the pillows until his head was resting on Evan’s shoulder. “I really do.”

“Ugh,” Jared shuddered. He jumped off the bed and shoved his feet in his shoes. “Okay… I’m out of here… I’ll… We’ll text you when we’re on our way back. How much warning do you need?” He shook his head and shuddered again. “We’ll just… We can stay with her friend Jenny. Zoe said they have a pull-out couch in there. Yeah… That’s what we’ll do.”

Evan struggled not to laugh as he watched Jared stumble out of the room. He could hear his friend mumbling to himself all the way down the hall. “Well, that was, uh…”

His amusement disappeared as soon as he saw the look on Connor’s face.

“I thought he’d never leave,” Connor smirked.

 

****

**IX**

Evan looked up when he realized Connor was reading over his shoulder. “Oh… Uh, hey…”

“You’re looking at apartments?” Connor asked. “I thought we weren’t going to worry about that until we’re done with finals.”

“For the fall, yeah,” Evan nodded. “This is for the summer.”

“You’re getting an apartment for the summer?”

“Jared and I are talking about getting a studio for the summer,” Evan told him. “He has that job here at his uncle’s firm and I’m taking classes and helping Dr. Donnelly with his research, so… It just makes sense, I guess.”

“I didn’t know you were planning to stay up here.”

“Just during the week. I’ll probably go home on the weekends.”

“Zoe’s working at that music camp at her school.”

“She is?”

“Yeah,” Connor nodded. “So, you should probably start looking at two bedrooms because she’s going to want in on this when she hears.”

“Oh, uh, okay…”

“And I might as well…”

“You want to live with us?”

“Dr. Sommers says I’ll have to take a couple classes this summer if I want to graduate on time.”

“Dr. Sommers… You have a new advisor?” Evan’s face lit up when he realized what that meant. “You declared a major?”

“English,” Connor grinned. “Predictable, I know, but yeah… English with Philosophy as my minor.”

“That’s perfect!” Evan exclaimed. “I’m so… Is it weird if I say I’m proud of you? Because I really am.”

“I still have no idea what I’m going to do with my degree, but-”

“That’ll come later,” Evan cut in. “I still don’t know what I’m doing.”

Connor raised an eyebrow at him and laughed. “That’s totally different. You know that, right? You don’t know which of the many options you have-”

“Hey, okay, none of that now. This is big. We should celebrate.”

“Later,” Connor said. “After finals, after we find an apartment.”

“Okay,” Evan agreed.

“You know, I really hate moving.”

“No one likes moving,” Evan pointed out.

“So, why don’t we… Why don’t we just find one apartment?”

“You want to live with Jared and Zoe next year?”

“Sure,” Connor shrugged. “Two bedrooms, two baths, ideally with walls that don’t touch.”

“I… I don’t think Jared and I can afford something like that. Even if my mom helps… Even if Geoff helps… Which is actually a very real possibility. Did I tell you he gave me spending money the last time I was home? It was… I didn’t know what to say, so I just thanked him and took it. It was weird.”

“My parents would probably be willing to cover the rent.”

“We can’t-”

“Seriously, they’d love it. They’d only have to write one check a month. It’d be easier than what they’re doing now. My dad keeps complaining about how our schools have all these different expenses and deadlines.”

“They’d do that even if… even if your boyfriends are living with you?”

“I think they’ve come to accept the fact that you two aren’t going anywhere. And, in your case at least, I think they’re good with that.”

“Okay…” Evan said hesitantly. “Well, if you’re sure…”

“I’m sure,” Connor replied. He reached out to move the cursor on Evan’s laptop. “So, let’s reset this then…”

Evan watched as Connor started scrolling through the new search results. Living with Connor, Jared, and Zoe? That had to be either the best or worst idea imaginable.

He honestly wasn’t sure which.


	3. Junior Year

****

**I**

There were only three other people in the diner. That would explain why the waitress kept staring at him, wouldn’t it? Evan supposed he was more interesting to watch than the elderly couple sitting at the counter or the teenage girl who kept looking at her phone and sighing.

He wasn’t doing anything particularly interesting though, unless the waitress enjoyed watching people try unsuccessfully to stifle their nerves.

Evan hadn’t been this fidgety since… He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this fidgety. That was an odd thought to have. His random twitches and movements used to be such a big part of him. They still were in a way, but he knew he’d gotten better at not letting his anxiety out all the time.

He couldn’t contain it just then though. He didn’t know why he was feeling this nervous. He liked Geoff. He’d actually grown to like Geoff. He liked that Geoff was good to his mother. He liked them as a couple. He didn’t even mind the fact that Geoff had moved into his house. He was barely there anymore, so why should that matter to him? His mother swore they weren’t going to touch his room. They were redoing other parts of the house, but Evan’s room was off-limits. Completely and totally off-limits. It would stay that way forever. Twenty years from now, it would still look like it had when he was seventeen.

Evan found that a little strange, but it was kind of comforting in a way. It was good to know that some things never changed. 

Some things, but not everything. Evan had a feeling there was a big change coming. Why else would Geoff want to meet him like this? They’d never spent more than a few minutes alone together. His mother had always been there. Connor had always been there. Someone else had always been there.

Evan hadn’t even realized that Geoff knew his number. He hadn’t recognized Geoff’s when it popped up on his screen. He’d panicked and ignored the call, like he always did when an unknown number called him. 

Geoff had left a message. He’d actually left a message, asking Evan to meet him for lunch. Evan had called him back and picked a date and time. He’d handled it like an adult. A twenty-year-old adult who didn’t need his mother to schedule things for him. A twenty-year-old adult who hadn’t dragged his boyfriend with him because the thought of having lunch with Geoff kind of terrified him.

A twenty-year-old adult who was about to give his mother’s boyfriend permission to propose to her.

That didn’t sound right. Geoff didn’t need his permission to propose. He needed Evan’s… Blessing? Was that it? 

The wording didn’t matter, Evan decided. It only mattered that he knew what this was about. Unofficially. No one had told him, but he knew what was coming. 

He knew and he was okay with it. Mostly okay. More okay than not.

He kind of hoped they’d elope or go to city hall. He wasn’t exactly relishing the idea of attending a big wedding where he was the son of the bride. He knew he’d made progress when it came to his social anxiety, but that was… He really didn’t want to think about what that would entail.

He also didn’t want to think about the fact that the waitress was still staring at him. Evan resisted the urge to feel around his mouth. He hadn’t eaten in hours. He knew there was no way he had something on his face. 

He met the waitress’s stare and tried not to panic when she made her way over to him.

“I know you,” she announced. She put a hand on her hip and tilted her head to the side. “How do I know you?”

Evan’s face scrunched up as he studied her. She did look familiar, but he couldn’t imagine how they knew each other. His eyes widened with realization when he saw her nametag. “Aren’t you Alana’s sister?”

Alicia snapped her fingers and grinned. “You’re that guy… We crashed at your house a couple years ago, didn’t we?”

“Y-yeah,” Evan stammered. He let out a small burst of laughter at the memory. “How’s Alana doing? I haven’t heard from her in ages.”

“She left us,” Alicia rolled her eyes.

“What?”

“Yeah, she’s studying in London next semester. She flew over with Alan a couple weeks ago. They’re doing some backpacking thing.”

“Oh, that’s, uh-”

“So, you want something besides water?” Alicia demanded. She looked up as the bell rang and Geoff stepped inside.

“Give us a minute,” Evan told her. He caught Geoff’s eye and waved. He could feel a lump forming in his throat when he saw Geoff’s expression. If he thought he was nervous, that was nothing compared to what Geoff must be feeling. 

Evan stared at his hands and took a breath. “My stepfather still needs to look at the menu.”

 

****

**II**

Their apartment was located on the third floor. It had two bedrooms and one bath. The bedrooms were separated by a wall that was, thankfully, not paper-thin. The kitchen was tiny, but the living room was surprisingly spacious.

The building always smelled like onions. It was bizarre. No matter what time of the day he ventured out, Evan always found himself breathing in the onion stench. He couldn’t pinpoint where it was coming from. It was equally strong on every level. He was starting to wonder if the cleaning people used an onion-scented chemical when they wiped down the halls.

Living in an apartment with Jared and Zoe was an adjustment. Living in an apartment with Connor was an adjustment. Even though they’d been living together for the majority of the past two years, they still had their moments where everything felt messy and bleak and impossibly difficult.

Most of their fights were over trivial matters. They bickered about the fact that Connor had left his socks on the floor again or that Evan had tracked mud into their room. Some days were bad though. Evan knew he drove Connor crazy when he was having one of his mute days. He knew Connor understood that there were days when he didn’t want to talk, where he felt the need to retreat into himself, but that didn’t make it any easier. Likewise, it wasn’t easy for Evan when Connor got into one of his moods. He tried to stay clear of Connor when that happened. It wasn’t always possible though. Those days were usually followed by one of Evan’s mute days.

Communication was never a problem for them though. Evan didn’t know if it was due to the years of therapy or the way their relationship had started or just the fact that they were both determined not to shut each other out, but they never had trouble explaining how they were feeling or why they were feeling that way.

That part of their relationship annoyed Jared because it always made Zoe smack his arm and ask why they didn’t talk things out like Connor and Evan.

 

Evan didn’t know why he was surprised that Connor and Zoe were having a rough time living under the same roof again. He knew about their past. He knew what their relationship had been like before he got to know them. He knew how complicated things had always been between them.

He’d thought things were good now though. In many ways, they seemed like they were best friends. They bickered, but in a way that Evan thought was normal for a brother and sister to argue.

In Evan’s opinion, a lot of their fights were stupid. They accused each other of finishing the milk and using up all the hot water. They simultaneously yelled ‘not it’ when their mother called the landline she’d insisted they needed to have. They came up with apartment rules that were thinly veiled attacks on each other.

Connor banned all things Adele from their apartment, so Zoe said no starting philosophical debates during dinner. This led Connor to declare that all music, including live guitar music, had to be confined to their bedrooms. Which made Zoe announce that she was putting a swear jar on the counter and charging a dollar for every expletive that was uttered.

And so it went until the list was so long that Evan didn’t think it was possible for any of the rules to actually be enforced. 

Their arguments weren’t all fun and games though. Some of them were bad. Some of them left Zoe in tears and made Connor storm out of the apartment. 

Those fights were always brought on by different, seemingly random things, but Evan had come to realize that they all had the same underlying cause. They all started when something reminded Zoe of the years she’d hated Connor.

Evan stayed out of those fights. After the first one, Jared did too. He tried to intervene the first time it happened, only to have both Murphy siblings turn on him. 

Connor always wanted to talk about the fights eventually. Usually late at night when things were quiet and they were trying to sleep. Evan listened. He listened and refrained from offering advice because he didn’t know what kind of advice he could offer. 

Because he didn’t think that was what Connor needed. 

As the weeks went on, the number of fights dwindled. So did the severity. 

Evan came home one day and spotted them sitting on the balcony, laughing while they looked at something on Zoe’s phone. He slipped back out the door before they noticed him.

Moments like that made him think they’d be okay after all.

 

****

**III**

When they first moved in, Evan had worried that the close quarters would tear them all apart. They couldn’t help but be on top of each other half the time.

The bathroom was the biggest issue. They finally had to sit Zoe down and tell her she had to warn them before she disappeared into it for an hour at a time.

The kitchen was the other battle zone. They came up with a cooking and cleaning schedule that they stuck to… Sort of. Sometimes.

The problem was that they were all so busy that it was hard to keep everything straight. Evan knew he was the worst culprit. Between his classes and his lab work and his attempts at having a life, there were days where he was hardly in the apartment at all. More than once, he’d come home to be greeted by three people who had finally given up waiting for him and ordered a pizza. A pizza that they expected him to reimburse them for, even though they hadn’t saved him any.

Evan didn’t really mind it when that happened though. His schoolwork came first. It was also important to him that he maintain a life of his own. A life that had nothing to do with school. Or with Connor. That was something Dr. Sherman always emphasized during their monthly sessions. He knew Dr. Miller kept saying something along those lines to Connor too.

It was something they talked about from time to time. That it was important that they grow together, not on top of each other, not tangled up in each other to the point where they couldn’t tell where one of them ended and the other began.

That was why Evan usually ate lunch with Mark and Elijah. Why he had dinner with his mom once a week. Why he volunteered at the local abortorium and joined the nature club at his school. 

He knew how important it was that he have things that were his. Just his.

 

****

**IV**

The problem with having Connor’s parents back them financially was that it meant the Murphys felt they were entitled to check on them whenever they wanted.

More specifically, it meant that Mrs. Murphy had a key to the apartment and liked to drop by unannounced to make sure that everything was going well. 

Evan wasn’t too bothered by that since she only stopped by during the day, but it drove Connor and Zoe insane. Connor kept saying that at least their father had the sense to leave them alone.

On Connor’s birthday, both of his parents showed up unexpectedly. Evan watched as Mrs. Murphy darted around the apartment, claiming that she was looking for an earring she’d left the last time she’d been there. Her husband rolled his eyes and told the boys that she was searching for alcohol. She was concerned about the fact that Connor was 21 now and wanted to know what, if anything, that meant for his sobriety.

She hadn’t found anything that day or any of the other times she checked. Connor was sticking to his guns and staying clean. And his roommates weren’t about to do anything that might tempt him to break his word.

 

****

**V**

The door to the apartment was open when they came home. Evan shifted the bag of groceries to his other hip as he met Jared’s stare. They each took a deep breath before they stepped inside.

The sight that greeted them was a familiar one. Connor and Zoe were standing in the living room, side by side, while they glared at their mother. 

“-important, honey,” Cynthia was saying.

“Mom!” Zoe cried. “Seriously? Don’t you think it’s a little late for you to be worrying about this? Jared and I-”

Connor stepped on Zoe’s foot to stop her. She narrowed her eyes at him and folded her arms across her chest. “And you’re worried about Connor and Evan? Why? It’s not like they can get each other pregnant. And, if it’s the STD thing, you really don’t have anything to worry about there. They’ve never even kissed anyone else.”

Evan felt like his stomach had dropped to his feet. He could feel his cheeks heating up as Jared let out a startled laugh. 

“We got groceries!” Evan exclaimed manically. He put his head down as he hurried past the Murphys.

He had barely managed to put the bag on the counter when he felt Jared run up behind him.

“What the hell did we just walk in on?” Jared hissed.

 

Evan tried to push the conversation out of his head. He’d learned that with Connor’s family, it was sometimes best not to know what was going on.

Part of him wanted to scold Connor for not stomping on Zoe’s foot a second time though. He supposed Connor had been in shock. That was the only way to explain how Zoe had been able to say those things about them.

Evan puffed his cheeks out as he continued to scroll through his lab report. He was glad he liked to work ahead because it was due the next day and he was having a hard time proofing it.

Judging from the fact that he hadn’t seen Connor turn a page in over ten minutes, he had a feeling he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t concentrate.

“What’s wrong?” Evan finally asked.

“What?” Connor put his book down and tilted his head at Evan.

“Something’s bothering you.”

Connor tapped his fingers on the spine of the book. “You looked upset earlier.”

“You mean, when Zoe…” Evan couldn’t bring himself to finish that sentence.

“You looked upset,” Connor nodded.

“It was embarrassing,” Evan cringed. “I… I can’t believe your mother and sister were talking about us like that.”

“My family’s so fucking weird.”

Evan knew he should disagree, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that just then.

“Was that it?” Connor wondered.

“What?”

“You were just embarrassed. That’s all?”

“What else is there?” Evan demanded.

“You weren’t bothered that…”

“That?”

“That we’ve never…” Connor shook his head. “That we’ve never been with anyone else.”

“It wasn’t exactly news to me,” Evan retorted. “I mean… Does it bother you?”

“No,” Connor answered immediately.

“Okay,” Evan nodded. “Well, it doesn’t bother me either.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Evan sighed. He shut his eyes before turning to stare at his laptop again.

“I really don’t want to be with anyone else.”

Connor’s words came out so quietly that Evan was sure he’d misheard them until he looked up and saw Connor’s expression. 

“Me neither,” Evan agreed. And it was the truth. The thought of being with someone else… The thought of not being with Connor… He really didn’t want to think about that.

Connor nodded and leaned over to look at his screen. “What’re you working on?”

“My Eco lab,” Evan said.

“Oh… Can you explain it to me?”

“You want me to explain it to you?”

“The other night, when we went out with your friends, I felt like Penny from _The Big Bang Theory_.”

“Were we that bad?”

“I was that stupid.”

“You aren’t stupid! You’re just-”

Connor put up a hand to stop him. “So, what was this lab about?”

“Okay, so, I started out by collecting samples from different trees and…” Evan bit his lip and shut his laptop. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

“Go on,” Connor smiled.

 

****

**VI**

Evan knew his night was about to be ruined when he saw Jared storm out of the apartment with his duffle bag on his shoulder. They crossed paths halfway down the hall. Evan’s eyes widened as he glanced at his friend.

Jared glared over his shoulder and sighed. “I’ll be at Miles’s if you need me.”

He was gone before Evan could ask what was going on.

Evan cautiously crept forward and let himself into the apartment. Zoe was sitting on the couch with her arms and legs crossed while she stared blankly at the wall.

“Hey…” Evan greeted quietly. He scratched the back of neck while he considered his next move. He’d had his heart set on staying in that night. He’d been excited about it for days. Connor was out with his friends. They were all taking Asia to dinner before she left to spend the spring semester in Italy.

He’d thought that Zoe and Jared were going out too. It was their anniversary, so he’d assumed they had plans of some kind. Apparently, that had changed. Apparently, Evan was no longer going to have the apartment to himself that night.

Zoe blinked as she turned to face him. “Hey… Sorry. I’m totally screwing up your night, aren’t I?”

“What?”

Zoe smiled slightly as she sunk back into the cushions. “Connor told me you were all excited about being a hermit tonight.”

“Um, no, no, it’s fine,” Evan said quickly. He could tell from her expression that she knew it wasn’t fine. He sucked in a breath and cleared his throat. “I’ll just… I’ll be in my room.”

“No,” Zoe scoffed. “Seriously, I’m the one who… I’ll go. Somewhere. I don’t where, but-”

“You want to talk about it?”

Zoe sighed and looked down in a way that made Evan think the answer was yes. He dropped his backpack on the floor and joined her on the couch.

“You’re Jared’s best friend,” Zoe pointed out.

“I’m your friend too,” Evan countered. “And I know better than anyone how stupid Jared can be sometimes.”

Zoe squinted at him for a moment before hugging a pillow to her chest. “This stays between us?”

“Of course,” Evan nodded.

“I mean it. You won’t tell Jared or-or Connor. I don’t want him getting involved in this.”

“I promise.”

“Okay,” Zoe decided. “So, you know how Asia’s going to Italy?”

“Yeah.”

“Jared and I were talking about it and I mentioned that I’m thinking about doing a semester in France next year.”

“You are? That would be… cool… I guess.” Evan shrugged slightly at the thought. It didn’t sound fun to him, but he could see how someone like Zoe would enjoy it.

“It’s just a thought. I don’t know. I don’t even know how serious I am about it… It upset Jared though.”

“He got upset?”

“He said we’ve been going out for three years and he can’t believe I’d even think about going overseas like that without talking to him first.”

“Oh,” Evan whispered.

“Yeah… I mean, it’s my life, not his. He doesn’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do. That’s just…” Zoe’s cheeks puffed out as she slumped down on the couch.

Evan didn’t know what to say. He could see her point, but he could also see where Jared was coming from. He knew he would’ve freaked out if Connor suddenly mentioned the idea of leaving the country for five months.

“So, you guys fought about it?”

“Yeah,” Zoe huffed. She laughed mirthlessly when she saw the look on Evan’s face. “Relax. We didn’t break up. We just… We’re giving each other some space.”

Evan struggled not to let his relief show. “Oh. Good.”

“I know that would mess things up,” Zoe said quietly. “For all of us. Our living arrangements, our… our friendships. I know Jared would get you and I’d be stuck with Connor. Which would suck because I really like having you as a friend.”

Evan looked at her quickly. “That’s not… You’re not just staying with him because-”

“No,” Zoe cut in. “Definitely not. I’d move back home if it came to that.” She shakily pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “We’ll figure it out. We always do. I love him, you know. I wouldn’t be this upset if I didn’t love him.”

“I know,” Evan said. “And, hey, for the record, you wouldn’t lose me.”

“I wouldn’t?”

“At the very least, I’d still be your brother’s boyfriend.”

“Right,” Zoe laughed. “I forgot about that.”

“And we’d still be friends. I don’t drop friends over fights that have nothing to do with me.”

Zoe smiled slightly and nodded at the TV. “You want to watch a movie?”

“Um, sure,” Evan said hesitantly.

“Do you still have a problem with horror movies?”

“Kind of,” Evan admitted. “More than kind of, actually. They freak me out, but… You can watch one. I don’t mind staying in my room.” He bit his lip when he saw her face. It was easy for him to see she didn’t want to be alone. “Or I can get my laptop and my, uh, my headphones.”

“I won’t think any less of you if you don’t look up,” Zoe assured him. “I just want to watch a bunch of teenagers get slaughtered.”

 

****

**VII**

Evan slumped down in his chair when he heard Jared yell his name from across the club. He didn’t have to look at his phone to know what that meant. It was midnight. He was officially 21 years old.

Connor rolled his eyes as they watched Jared try to maneuver his way through the crowd. “He’s not going to give up until you have a drink.”

“I don’t want a drink,” Evan muttered. And it was the truth. He’d never had any interest in that kind of thing. That hadn’t changed just because he was legally allowed to drink now. His reasons for abstaining stood. He liked being in control of his actions. He was awkward enough without doing something that would add to that. Without doing something that would make him regret his actions even more than he already did.

“Does this have anything to do with me?” Connor demanded.

Evan blinked at him in surprise. He wanted to say that it didn’t, but it kind of did. He didn’t want to do anything that would jeopardize Connor’s sobriety or upset him.

“Hey,” Jared grinned as he slid onto a stool across from them. “I’m going for another round. You guys want anything?”

“I don’t,” Connor said. “But, Evan does.”

“You do?” Jared’s face lit up as he glanced at Evan. “It’s on me.”

Evan glared at Connor once Jared was gone. “What was that?”

“You’re not holding yourself back because of me.”

“I’m not-”

“It’s fine,” Connor said briskly. “I don’t mind. I actually think it’ll be hilarious to see you get drunk.”

“I’m not getting drunk,” Evan snapped.

“Sure, you’re not,” Connor smirked. 

“I’m not,” Evan insisted. He eyed Jared as he staggered towards the bar. “I’m not.”

 

“Has our apartment always been slanted?” Evan mumbled as he collapsed onto the bed. He glanced down at himself and frowned when he realized he was wearing his pajamas. He didn’t remember putting them on. His frown deepened as his tongue swirled around his mouth. He also didn’t remember brushing his teeth.

“I don’t think you notice it unless you’re drunk,” Connor said knowingly.

“I’m not-”

“You are,” Connor argued. “It’s okay though. At least you’re a happy drunk.”

“I’m happy?”

“Happier than I was when I used to drink.” 

“Oh,” Evan whispered. He bolted up as a thought occurred to him. “Where’s Jared? Did we-did we leave him at the club?”

“Zoe came to help me get you guys out of there,” Connor reminded him. 

“Oh… She was mad.”

“She was asleep. We woke her up.”

“Right. She has…”

“Band practice in the morning,” Connor filled in.

“That,” Evan nodded. He struggled to pull himself off the bed as another thought popped into his head. “Where’s my phone? I have to call my mom.”

“It’s 3 AM,” Connor pointed out.

“I have to tell her I’m okay. I have to-”

“She knows.”

“She knows?”

“We’ve been texting all night.”

Evan’s head flopped from side to side as he took in that information. “You text my mom?”

“Sometimes,” Connor shrugged.

“I don’t text your mom.”

“Good. She uses way too many emojis.”

Evan yawned and fell back onto his pillow. “It’s my birthday.”

“I know.”

“And our anniversary.”

“I know that too.”

“You always get me presents.”

“Because it’s your birthday.”

“I don’t get you presents.”

“You do for my birthday. We don’t do anniversary gifts.”

“Oh, yeah,” Evan frowned.

“You want to start exchanging gifts for our anniversary?”

“No…” Evan’s face scrunched up as he blinked at the ceiling. He couldn’t remember seeing it swirl before. “We should get married on your birthday.”

Evan repeated himself when Connor didn’t say anything. It was getting hard for him to tell the difference between inside thoughts and outside thoughts.

“You want to get married?” Connor finally asked. 

“Not now,” Evan hissed. “On your birthday. To make it fair. That way you get presents too.”

“You want to get married so I get presents?”

“Among other reasons,” Evan nodded. “So, what do you think?”

“About getting married?”

“On your birthday,” Evan finished.

“Okay,” Connor said quietly. “We can get married on my birthday.”

Evan smiled to himself. He was glad that was settled. 

His smile quickly faded as a hand flew to his mouth when his stomach did a flip.

“Are you going to be sick?”

Evan thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. He closed his eyes and yawned again.

“You’re not going to remember any of this in the morning, are you?” Connor wondered.

Evan shrugged because how should he know? How was he supposed to know what he would and would not remember? He just wanted to…

“Sleep,” Evan announced.

“Sleep,” Connor agreed.

 

Evan looked from the mug to his mother and back again. “What is this?”

“It was your grandmother’s recipe,” Heidi said. “It’ll have you back on your feet in no time.”

Evan flinched when he took a sip. “It tastes like feet.”

“That’s how you know it’s working,” Heidi beamed. “I have to tell you, I kind of love the fact that I have the one kid in America who actually waited until he was 21 to get completely plastered.”

“I didn’t get completely plastered,” Evan snapped defensively. 

“It’s a good thing you’re on spring break this week,” Heidi sighed. “I was hoping to take you out to lunch, but I’m thinking we should just stay in and order soup.”

“Soup would be good.”

“I’ll go get some from the deli downstairs,” Connor offered.

Evan started when he saw Connor standing in the doorway. “Where’d you come from?”

“I live here,” Connor reminded him.

“No, I know, but…” Evan frowned and shook his head. He didn’t know why he’d assumed that his mother was the only other person in the apartment.

“How’re you feeling?” Connor asked.

“Fuzzy,” Evan said. “Like my head, my mouth, everything is fuzzy.”

Evan jumped when his mother’s phone began to ring. She squeezed his arm apologetically. “It’s Geoff… You know what? I’ll go get the soup. Make sure he finishes that drink.”

Connor raised his eyebrows as he sat down and sniffed the mug. “What the hell is that?”

“My grandmother’s hangover cure. I don’t think I want to know what’s in it,” Evan shuddered. 

“So, last night,” Connor started.

“Yeah?”

“How much do you remember?”

Evan almost dropped the mug as his heart began to pound. “What did I do?”

“What do you mean?”

“See… See, this is why I never… I did something really embarrassing, didn’t I?”

“You don’t remember?”

“I remember drinking with Jared and… He sang.”

“He did,” Connor cringed.

“And Zoe came to get us. She was in her pajamas.”

“Good,” Connor nodded.

“And… I don’t know. The rest is a blur.”

“It is?”

“Yeah… I mean, I just remember being tired and dizzy and… I don’t know. I wanted to sleep. I did sleep, didn’t I?”

“You slept,” Connor confirmed.

“Okay,” Evan exhaled shakily. “So, nothing too embarrassing then, right?”

“No,” Connor shook his head. “Nothing too embarrassing.”

 

****

**VIII**

Connor snapped his laptop shut as soon as Evan walked in the door. He did it so quickly that Evan thought he may be imagining things, but the look on Connor’s face told him something was up.

“What’re you working on?” Evan asked. “The semester’s over.”

“I know,” Connor muttered. He glared at his laptop and rolled his eyes before opening it again. “Here. You can see what I’ve written so far.”

Evan sat down on the couch and slid the computer into his lap. “What is this?”

“Don’t laugh, but-” Connor’s eyes narrowed as Evan chuckled.

“Sorry, but telling someone not to laugh pretty much guarantees that they will.”

“You know I saw Dr. Miller yesterday,” Connor continued.

“Yeah,” Evan nodded.

“Well, at the end of our session, he mentioned that YANA’s expanding.”

“Okay…” Evan waited a moment for him to go on. “So?”

“So, he said they’re looking for people to write articles.”

“Articles?”

“Journals or posts or… I don’t know. He said I was the first person he thought of when he was asked to help find contributors.”

“They want you to write for YANA?”

“They’re looking for people who’ve been there. Who get what teens are going through and… They want different voices and Dr. Miller thinks I could help.”

“I bet you could,” Evan agreed. “I-”

“It’s just a trial thing now,” Connor interrupted. “And there are no guarantees they’ll actually post anything I write, but…”

“It’s something.”

“It’s something,” Connor said. “Dr. Miller even said they’d pay me. Not much, but… I don’t know. If it works out, maybe I should think about pursuing a writing career of some kind.”

“You could start writing poems again,” Evan teased.

Connor made a face and knocked their shoulders together. 

“It’s just a thought…” Evan laughed. “But, seriously, this sounds like it’ll be a good move for you.”

“Yeah,” Connor nodded. “It’s a start.”


	4. Senior Year

****

**I**

Evan knew what they were having for dinner as soon as he opened the door. Even after four weeks at his father’s house, it still felt strange to come home to that every night.

To come home, so to speak. He could stay in Colorado for a year and it still wouldn’t feel like home.

He was glad the program was finally over. It had been interesting to spend a month working with a team of geologists, but he couldn’t wait to get back to his real life. 

He checked his phone as he made his way up the stairs and read the explosion of texts he’d received that day. Jared told him not to forget their presents. Zoe wanted to make sure he was still coming back the next day because Connor was so sleep deprived that she was thinking about having him committed. His mom asked him to tell Connor that she was picking him up from the airport. She had changed her tune a few hours later and said they would both be there to get him. 

Connor’s texts were all over the place. Some of them were sarcastic comments and observations. Some were random questions, mostly concerning the location of various items in their apartment. The majority of the texts made it clear that he missed Evan and thought this had been the worst idea anyone had ever had.

Evan always made sure to respond to those texts.

And to the ones asking where the cleaning supplies were.

 

It was almost ten o’clock by the time Evan finally started packing. It had taken them over an hour to eat dinner because his father and Lisa had asked him so many questions. It was like they’d decided to save up all their questions and unleash them at once. They suddenly wanted to know all about his studies and his plans and his future. His father kept saying that he thought there were a lot of job openings in their town and that Evan was welcome to come live with them after he graduated.

Evan had smiled politely and thanked them. He knew there was virtually no chance of that happening though. It had been an interesting experience and he had learned a lot, but he thought it was safe to say that he could rule out all careers relating to geology now. 

And, even if he did take a job in Colorado, he couldn’t imagine living with his father’s family full-time. It hadn’t been a bad month exactly. It had just been… 

It had kind of sucked to see how his dad really was a good dad. Ella was very clearly a daddy’s girl and Liam obviously looked up to his father.

Evan knew his father was trying now. He knew he felt bad about all those years where Evan had been little more than an afterthought. 

It still sucked though.

No matter how hard his father tried, nothing would ever make that better. Not completely, at least.

 

Evan put his suitcases by the door and got ready for bed. He was feeling too jittery to sleep, but he wanted to try. It would be a relief to be home again. He didn’t think he was doing much better than Connor was in the sleep department. He suspected the only reason he was sleeping at all was that the program had been so demanding he usually passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Falling asleep hadn’t been the problem. Staying asleep had been. Falling back to sleep when he woke up and remembered that he was alone in a strange place had been nearly impossible.

Evan reached for his phone, but thought better of it. Texting Connor would pretty much ensure that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep for at least an hour.

He was about to turn the light off when he heard someone knock on his door. The knock was so soft, so tentative that he almost thought he’d imagined it. 

He did a double take when he found Liam standing in the hallway. Unlike his sister, who talked non-stop and glued herself to Evan’s side whenever possible, Liam had kept his distance. He’d only spoken to Evan when it was absolutely necessary. His parents kept trying to make him talk until Evan finally asked them to stop. He’d assured them that he wasn’t at all offended by the fact that Liam preferred to stay quiet.

Evan smiled faintly at Liam and ushered him into the guestroom. He cleared his throat when Liam didn’t return his greeting. Apparently, Liam liked to be quiet even when he went out of his way to find someone.

“You’re reading Harry Potter?” Evan finally asked when he noticed the book Liam was holding.

Liam nodded mutely.

“I love Harry Potter. I’ve read the books at least a dozen times.”

“Dad said…” Liam flinched and stared at his feet.

“Dad told you I had,” Evan finished. “Are you reading it for fun or for school?”

“School. We had to pick three books to read this summer. I-I have to do a report when I go back.”

“You’re going to be in sixth grade, right?” 

Liam nodded again.

Evan nodded sympathetically. Sixth grade had not been his favorite year. It had been the first in his series of not-favorite years. 

“Do you need help or-”

“How do you say her name?” Liam opened the book and pointed to the name ‘Hermione.’

“You haven’t seen the movies?”

Liam looked at him quickly and shook his head.

“Good. That’s good. It’s better to read the books first. They’re so much better than the movies.”

“Joey Martin said we have to read our reports to the class,” Liam blurted out.

“Okay,” Evan said calmly. “Then, we really need to make sure you know how to say all their names.”

 

They talked about the books for nearly an hour. Well, Evan talked. Liam mostly listened. He listened and nodded intently. 

He seemed a lot happier by the time he went to leave. He stared up at Evan and smiled. He didn’t say anything, but… He smiled. That was something.

“Let me know how it goes,” Evan said. “Dad has my number, so you can… If you ever want to talk or text… Do you text?” Evan shook his head as he realized he had no idea what sixth graders were up to these days. Though, to be honest, he hadn’t really known what sixth graders were up to when he’d been one. “You can always talk to me if you, uh, if you have any more questions.”

“Okay,” Liam nodded. He looked at Evan one more time before taking off towards his room.

“Okay,” Evan smiled to himself as he finally got in bed.

 

****

**II**

A burst of pure panic spread through Evan when he saw the napkin. He looked at Connor out of the corner of his eye and saw the moment his boyfriend registered what was happening.

“What the fuck?” Connor mumbled. “Did you know about this?”

Evan shook his head numbly. “I knew they were getting you a cake, but I didn’t know about…” Evan waved the napkin. 

_Happy Birthday, Connor and Zoe!_ Those words were printed everywhere. On the napkins, on the plastic cups, on a banner hanging across the landing. Apparently, the party Connor’s parents had decided to throw for Zoe’s 21st birthday had somehow morphed into a celebration for both of their children.

“It would explain the guest list though,” Evan said lightly. He nodded at a group of people across the room. Connor’s face went blank when he saw Asia and Cody wave at him.

“My birthday was a month ago,” Connor pointed out.

“I know,” Evan nodded. 

“Then, why-”

“It was Zoe’s idea,” Jared explained as he snuck up behind them.

“Zoe did this?” Connor demanded.

“She said you haven’t had a birthday party in over ten years.”

“There’s a reason for that,” Connor snapped.

“Yeah, well…” Jared bristled at Connor’s tone. “You’ll have to take that up with her.”

“Oh, I intend to,” Connor promised.

“Not tonight,” Evan said quietly. “Just-”

“Just what?”

“Try to look on the bright side. Look at how many people are here for you. At least a dozen of these people couldn’t pick Zoe out of a lineup.”

Connor sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. “There’s my aunt Jamie. I should go thank her for the books she sent me last month.”

Jared leaned forward excitedly as soon as Connor was gone. “Have you seen the cakes yet?”

“No,” Evan said slowly.

“Zoe’s is shaped like a guitar. Connor’s is shaped like a book. I told Zoe they should get him one with your face on it. She didn’t listen.”

“I’m glad one of you has some sense…”

“She didn’t want to embarrass you,” Jared said sadly. “She agreed that my idea was better though.”

Evan made a face and gestured at the dining room. “You want to get something to eat?”

“Do you even have to ask?” Jared grinned.

 

****

**III**

Evan knocked on the door twice before opening it slowly. It felt weird to be entering a women’s lounge like this, even though he had been invited in.

Not invited. Ordered was more like it. Three different bridesmaids had found him and told him his mother wanted to see him. Needed to see him. 

He wove his way through the room, taking care not to trip over any heels or step on any dresses. He was stopped twice. Once to zip up Maggie’s dress. The other to assure Natalie that he couldn’t tell she hadn’t slept the night before.

His mother was sitting in front of a mirror in the back. She stared at her reflection while one of her cousins finished pinning up her hair. Her cousin excused herself when she saw Evan standing in the doorway.

“Well?” Heidi said softly. She stood up and turned around so Evan could see her dress. 

Evan smiled and nodded when their eyes met. She looked beautiful. He couldn’t remember ever seeing her look this beautiful. Or this happy. 

Her dress was blue and matched his tie. She’d opted for a blue dress because it was her favorite color. And because the idea of wearing white for her second wedding seemed ridiculous to her. Especially since her 21-year-old son was walking her down the aisle.

They stared at each for a moment. Or a minute. Or an hour. Evan wasn’t sure. He didn’t know what to say, but then neither did she. They’d already talked about this at length. They’d discussed the fact that he wasn’t really giving her away. That she would never leave him, that he would never lose her. Not until she was dead. They’d talked about Geoff and Evan’s dad and how all of these changes fit together. They’d talked about how this wouldn’t change anything between them.

Evan wasn’t sure if he believed that, but he could tell she did. She totally and completely did.

“You ready?” Evan finally asked.

“Just about,” Heidi said. She looked in the mirror one more time and nodded. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

 

The ceremony went off without a hitch. They’d timed it perfectly. The service started before midnight, but the actual vows were exchanged on New Year’s Day.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Evan didn’t think he’d be able to feel sorry for Geoff if he ever forgot their anniversary.

 

The reception went on for hours. Evan actually downed a cup of coffee around two to keep himself awake. His instincts had been right when he’d first thought about what it would be like to be the son of the bride. Everyone wanted to talk to him, to congratulate him, to know all about his life and his plans and his boyfriend.

Because Connor stayed by his side the whole time. He hadn’t asked him to, but he could tell Connor knew he’d fall apart if he had to face the crowd alone.

The combination of the caffeine from the coffee and the alcohol from the champagne made him kind of giddy. Giddy and slightly delirious. By the time he stood up to give his speech, he was feeling so floaty that he couldn’t focus on anything he was saying. 

His speech seemed to strike a chord with the guests though. His mother cried and Geoff beamed as he squeezed her hand. Zoe teared up and Connor looked proud.

Jared’s face went red as he struggled not to laugh, but that wasn’t really a surprise, Evan supposed.

He only went on the dance floor twice. Once with his mother, the other when Zoe managed to drag all of “her boys” out for a fast song.

That number did him in. It was half past three and, despite the coffee and the fact that he’d slept in that morning, Evan was done with everyone and everything. Luckily, the majority of the guests seemed to be on the same page as him.

He was finally able to escape to his hotel room around four. He changed out of his suit and got ready for bed in record time. 

 

It seemed like he had just fallen asleep when his alarm went off. He mumbled and swung his arm in the direction of his phone. The sound stopped before he could grab it. He opened his eyes to see Connor staring at him.

“Morning,” he muttered as he tried to sit up. He frowned when he realized their limbs were all tangled together. 

“The brunch starts in twenty minutes,” Connor informed him.

Evan nodded slightly and made a face. At least this would be his last official duty as the son of the bride.

“What’s so funny?” Evan demanded when he heard Connor chuckle.

“Nothing… Just déjà vu.”

“Huh?”

“Four years ago. That was the first time we woke up like this.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“At least you didn’t punch me in the stomach this time.”

“I didn’t punch you,” Evan scoffed. “Elbowed, maybe.”

“I don’t know. I was too busy panicking to tell.”

“You weren’t panicking. I was panicking.”

“We were both panicking, for different reasons.”

“Why were you panicking?” 

Connor stared at the ceiling and shifted slightly. “Because this felt right to me. Because… Because it felt right, but I didn’t think it should. Because it couldn’t mean anything. You were barely talking to me and I thought you-”

“Were straight?”

“And had a thing for my sister,” Connor nodded. 

“I’m sorry,” Evan said softly. “That must’ve been… I didn’t know.”

“It worked out in the end,” Connor shrugged.

“Yeah. I mean, here we are, four years later and-”

“And it still feels right,” Connor finished.

 

****

**IV**

Evan didn’t need to look in the mirror to know that his face was red. Red and frozen with embarrassment. He inhaled sharply and closed his eyes as he shut his laptop.

Jared’s shoulders were shaking uncontrollably when he looked up again. He could tell that it was taking every ounce of Jared’s strength not to laugh out loud.

“Why would you make me read that?” Zoe demanded. She shook her head as she glared at her brother.

“What?” Connor snapped defensively.

“You…” Zoe laughed humorlessly. “Forget me for a second. Why would you do that to Evan? Look at him.”

Connor frowned as he took in Evan’s expression. “You don’t like my poem?”

“I, uh…” Evan didn’t think it was possible for his face to get any redder, but his body seemed determined to prove him wrong. “I like your poems. It’s just… This one’s a little...”

“Dude, you totally wrote a sex poem,” Jared laughed. 

“That’s not what I… It’s a metaphor,” Connor told them.

“I can’t believe you got this published in the literary magazine,” Zoe sighed. “You know our parents read it, don’t you? Our grandparents read it!”

“My mom reads it,” Evan whispered. His heart sped up when he thought about that. His mother had sounded strange when she’d called to wish him a happy birthday that morning. He suddenly realized that she may not have been worrying that there would be a repeat of last year when she reminded him to stay safe.

“It’s not a sex poem!” Connor insisted.

“So, I guess things are still really good in that department then?” Jared smirked. “That’s pretty impressive after four years together.”

 

****

**V**

“You’re pregnant.”

The words flew out of Connor’s mouth as soon as he heard the announcement. Evan breathed in quickly through his nose. He knew he should say something, but he wasn’t sure what. 

He hated to admit it, but his mind had gone to the same place as Connor’s when he heard that Zoe and Jared were engaged.

“What? No,” Zoe gasped. She rolled her eyes when she saw the looks on the guys’ faces. Her frown deepened when her eyes landed on Jared. “Really? You too? Don’t you think you’d know if I was pregnant?”

Jared shook his head and let out a shaky breath. “She’s not pregnant.”

Evan couldn’t help laughing at how uncertain Jared sounded.

“Come on,” Zoe sighed. “We all share a bathroom. Don’t tell me you guys can’t tell when I’m on-”

“So, congratulations!” Evan cut in quickly. “This is… Wow. Huge. In a good way.”

“Thanks,” Zoe smiled.

“You’re really not pregnant?” Connor wondered.

Zoe narrowed her eyes and shook her head.

 

Jared looked over his shoulder quickly before he slipped into the room and shut the door.

“Are they still outside?” Evan asked. Connor and Zoe had been sitting on the balcony for over an hour, bickering while they debated which relatives they could leave off the guest list.

“They’ve moved on to wedding venues. Zoe wants to get married on the beach and Connor is very much against that.”

“I can’t believe you’re getting married,” Evan chuckled.

“Not for a while,” Jared told him. “It’ll be at least a year before we… We want to wait until Zoe’s done with school. So, at least a year. Maybe more if she goes for her master’s.”

“That makes sense,” Evan nodded.

“Yeah,” Jared agreed. He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “So, this is really premature, but my parents are coming up to see us tomorrow and there’s no way my mom’s not going to mention it.”

“Mention what?”

“The wedding party. She’s insisting that Henry be my best man.”

“Oh,” Evan blinked.

“Yeah… So, I told her I’m having two best men.” Jared smiled when he saw Evan’s expression. “I’m talking about you, in case you didn’t figure that out.”

“You want me to be your best man?”

“Well, yeah,” Jared laughed. “You’re my best friend, so… Really, the way I see it, you’ll be best man #1. Henry will be in charge of the bachelor party and… That’s it. There’s no way I’m trusting him with the rings or… Anything. Anything at all, really.”

“Okay,” Evan nodded.

“So, you’ll do it then?”

“Yeah. I mean, of course, I’ll do it.”

“Good,” Jared sighed. “That takes care of that part of the wedding party then… You know what’s crazy?”

“What?”

“Zoe and I have already had our first wedding-related fight.”

“About what?”

“Connor,” Jared rolled his eyes. “She wants him to be her man of honor.”

“So?”

“So, I just assumed he’d be one of my groomsmen. It makes sense, you know. It’s traditional. And it’s not like I have that many people to pick from. I have you and Miles and… There are a couple other guys I can ask, but we’re not that close. I’m going to have to dip into the cousin pool. Ian will do it, but after that… She has tons of friends.”

“I guess, but-”

“There are all those girls in her band and her classes… And she can always ask Jenny. They’ve known each other forever and they’re still really close. Maya would totally do it too. Or her cousin Kelsey. Or… I don’t know. She’s even talking to Nicole again. They were best friends for a long time.”

“She wants it to be Connor though.”

“I know,” Jared admitted. “It’s funny when you think about it. Five years ago, I never would’ve imagined that I’d be here. Engaged to Zoe Murphy and fighting about which one of us gets to have her lunatic of a brother in our wedding party.”

Evan caught his eye and smiled slightly. “I know what you mean.”

 

****

**VI**

Evan squeezed his eyes shut as he looked at the lists again. He was cutting it close. He knew that. It was getting down to the wire. He’d already missed the deadline for some of the schools and programs. He hadn’t ruled them out completely though. Dr. Donnelly insisted he could help him out if he decided to go with one of them.

Evan’s head snapped up when he heard the door click shut. He met Connor’s stare and folded his arms across his chest. “We need to talk about this.”

Connor sighed and plopped down on the couch next to him. “I already told you-”

“No, no, we’re not doing that again,” Evan interrupted sternly. “We’re not in high school. We’ve been together for over four years and-”

“We haven’t really talked about our future, have we?” Connor asked quietly. “About what this-” He gestured between them. “About what this looks like when we graduate.”

Evan could feel the bile rising in his throat as he leaned back into the cushions. It felt like there was ice shooting through his veins. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t even look at Connor.

“Shit,” Connor muttered. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Evan demanded.

“No! I-”

“Just… Do it fast if you are. Like it’s a band-aid. Just pull off the band-aid.” Evan took a breath and looked up uncertainly when he realized Connor had said no.

“I’m not breaking up with you,” Connor insisted.

“Okay,” Evan mumbled shakily.

“I…” Connor chuckled mirthlessly when their eyes met. “Can you stop looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m about to… I don’t know. Kill you.”

Evan shut his eyes and tried to clear his mind. “Okay. Go ahead.”

Judging from the look on Connor’s face, he hadn’t successfully made himself seem calm.

“I was going to talk to you about this last week, but then the whole Zoe and Jared thing happened and… There was no way in hell I was going to look like I was taking a cue from Jared Kleinman.”

Evan’s eyes widened with realization. “Wait, you-”

“Though, technically, we could always argue that you had the idea last year.”

“What?”

“You really don’t remember, do you?” Connor smirked.

“Remember what?”

“That you proposed to me on your birthday.”

“I…” Evan laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of that statement. “I what?”

“Well, it wasn’t a proposal so much as a demand.”

“A demand?”

“That we get married on my birthday.”

“That we…” Evan shook his head and laughed again. “That would be fair, I suppose.”

“That was your reasoning then too,” Connor told him.

“So, what are you saying? You want to get married?”

“Maybe… I don’t know,” Connor admitted. “That part of it doesn’t really matter to me. It just matters that we’re together. That you’re it for me.”

Evan’s smile turned into a frown as he looked up at Connor. “Then, why won’t you tell me what you think I should do?”

“Because-”

“Your opinion matters to me,” Evan went on. “More than anyone else’s. More than my mom’s even.”

“You do realize that everyone else has an ulterior motive, don’t you?”

Evan nodded stiffly. He knew everyone had their own reasons for telling him their opinions. His mother thought that he should take a job far away. She thought it would be good for him to expand his horizons. His father wanted him to come out to Colorado. Jared wanted him to stay in town so that their living arrangements didn’t have to change. Zoe wanted him to go to school in Florida so she could visit him at the beach. Connor’s parents wanted Evan to accept the research position with Dr. Donnelly’s colleague because they’d heard of him and they thought it would seem impressive if they could tell people their son’s boyfriend was working for him.

And Connor… Evan really had no idea what Connor’s opinion was.

“I haven’t told you what I think because I don’t have an opinion,” Connor said. “You’re the one who has all the crazy options right now. I just have YANA.”

“And teaching,” Evan reminded him. Connor had recently started mentioning the fact that he was considering teaching high school English. Evan had been surprised when that came up. He knew Connor had hated high school (the first three years of it, at least) even more than he had. Connor had explained that that was why he was thinking about it. His work with YANA was making him feel like he should give back and help people like him.

“Maybe,” Connor nodded. “But, that’s a long way off. I’d have to find a grad program, but I can do that anywhere. Most of them have rolling admissions. Right now, I just need wi-fi to work.”

“So-”

“So, the way I see it, I’m going wherever you’re going. I’ll make it work wherever we end up…” He paused and looked at Evan tentatively. “So, what do you think? Does that sound okay to you?”

Evan stared at his hands and smiled. He didn’t know what to say because it didn’t just sound okay.

It actually sounded kind of perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you to all readers - past, present, and future! Seeing your comments and kudos, even just seeing the hits and realizing that people are actually reading this series, has been awesome.


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